Need Some Advice

[Dennis]

I married a woman from Bogota in December 2004 when she arrived in 2005 we had some differences like most new couples but things went down hill when she asked me to adopt her niece and I wouldn't after about two months I was tired of fighting and told her we should think about separating.  She wanted a ticket back to Bogota and money and I gave her both and said goodbye.  Within two weeks she asked that I take care of the divorce here and I did.  When the Lawyer sent her the papers she skipped out of Bogota and the next thing I knew she was in Oakland California with some other guy.  It took a little while but we finally got the divorced settled.  I haven't seen her since she left in 2005.  She called tonight saying that the immigration lawyer says she needs a notarized letter from me saying that the marriage was a valid marriage and not just for her to get the visa to come here. 

Has anyone ever heard of this?  I don't really care what she does or who she is with as long as she stays out of my life.  I get the feeling if I send a letter like that then I am opening myself up for problems and possible financial support. 

[william3rd]

After what she put you through, I wouldnt do a damn thing for her.

That said- did you apply for a green card for her and did she interview for that green card on you?

How did she return to the US with another man within weeks of your separation? Was it on a parole based on your filing?

Based on all of the facts, do you think she married you in good faith? She was obviously trying to "look ahead" and adopt a niece. . . so what is your opinion of her sincerity?

Without the letter, she will have problems resolving her status with her new squeeze.

None of it appears to be in good faith.

If you have the answers, I can give you a better opinion for you.

[Dennis]

No, I didn't put in for a Green Card for her, she received the Temporary Visa after her interview at the Embassy in Bogota.  Then from what I understood we needed to apply for her permanent visa 90 days prior to her 2 year period which would be about now. 

After she left me she went to Bogota for about 4 months and then she went to Oakland.  I don't know if the other guy went down and got her or just sent her a ticket. 

I thought she would have trouble returning but she didn't. 

Your last question is tough.  I thought she was sincere until we left Bogota and then she changed into a totally different person.  She was 39 when we were married and I was 45 so there wasn't the age difference but I was thinking she found freedom away from her fathers control and changed into a totally different woman.  When she started asking about adopting the niece and bringing her here then I began to think that the marriage was a farce and I was just an easy way into the country.

[Looking4Wife]

Disclaimer:  I'm not an attorney, whereas William3rd is, so I'm sure William or immigration expert Ray will correct me if I say something incorrect concerning immigration...

But first, let's make sure I understand this correctly:

1.  You got married in Colombia, which would mean she came over on a CR-1 spousal visa.

2.  Almost immediately after arriving in the USA, she introduced this previously undiscussed idea of you adopting her "niece"?

3.  She pressured you for 2 months after her arrival to the USA to adopt her niece, so you guys separated after 2 months of married life on US soil?

4.  Your divorce has proceeded smoothly, and is now finalized?

If this is the case then:

1.  She would have no problem entering in and out of the country, because she would have a valid CR-1 visa to do so.  The initial CR-1 Visa stamp serves as her temporary green card until the actual green card arrives in the mail. 

NOTE:  My wife has been in the USA about 6 weeks, and just received her green card in the mail.

2.  If all this talk of her niece developed previously undiscussed, and she pressured you incessantly, then I would agree with William that the marriage was (at worst) a farce, or at best serious irreconcilable differences (such as someone "forgetting" to mention to their spouse that they don't intend to have children).  However, the fact that you imply that it came up immediately makes it sound like she had it mind all along.

3.  Lacking other facts... the other idea is that it might not be her "niece", but actually her "daughter".

I don't have the final answer, but my initial reaction is that I would be reluctant to cooperate with her new immigration proceedings, especially if your divorce is already finalized. 

I'm sorry you had to go thru all of this, and my prayers are with you...

[sean126]

Dennis,

Like everyone here, I'm very sorry you had to go through something like this with these type of circumstances.

My opinion is the same as everyone's.  Solely based on what you said...it sounds like she used you and had it planned out from the beginning.

The legality of the financial support if you wrote any kind of letter would be better explained by Sir William3rd, but if she wants a notarized letter and you want to still be a good guy....give her one saying that you now believe she was insincere when she accepted your marriage proposal and you believe she only married you to get a green card and that you was duped.  Just to try to save some other guy getting duped.  Again, Sir William would be better at telling you if you should even answer at all.  If you do decide to send some kind of letter, go with your conscience.  If you think you was used...say it in the letter.  After that, I'm sure she will get the hint and she won't bother you again.


I personally know of a situation where a teenager believes that someone is their Godfather, when in fact it's her real father.  So, Looking4wife's idea that the "niece" might in fact be her daughter in reality is not a stupid idea.  Wether she is or isn't....it still sounds like she had the adoption thing planned ahead of time.

For a woman who should have been in love with you....she seemed to jump from one guy to the next pretty fast.  I wouldn't lift a finger to help someone like this, especially if she was in the process of using some other guy.

Best of luck to you.

[SocialDreg]

Sorry for your problems. 

I am not clear on the divorce.  Did you receive a Colombian divorce or one in the US?

It is up to you if you want to help her.  If you don't you can send a letter to US immigration stating that you felt the marriage was a sham and that you believe she did not act in good faith when she married you.  Also, you could tell them about the "niece".  When it comes time for her to adjust her status, INS will be asking her some questions.
She will have to come up with some good answers or she will have problems getting her permanent. 
I don't know about the support angle.  I have heard that the affadavit of support is meaningless.  I haven't heard of any gringo having to pay because of that.  I have several friends that have had similar situations. 

[william3rd]

SO you married her in Colombia.

Without going any further into the relationship, I think she played you. And she had a green card so she could come and go as she pleases.

Keep in mind that nieces cant immigrate on a 4th preference petition by a US citizen so some aliens try to have adoptions occur to make sure that all the nieces are in place.

If she is already married, then you are off the hook for the affidavit of support. Even if she is not, she is not on means tested benefits.

I wouldnt give her a letter. The only letter that I would give would be one to immigration explaining the situation. Let her explain her way out of it.

[Dennis]

I would like to thank everyone for their advice.  I believe I will write my letter to immigration and not to her. 

As for some of the questions that were asked.

The divorce took place here in California.  It didn't go to smoothly since she left Bogota and went to Oakland it took some time for the lawyer to locate her and get the papers served but she didn't fight it after that.  She just wanted some more money.

When she left originally to return to Bogota I had contacted Immigration and filed a report with ICE to document the problems.

I am not as familiar with the different types of visas as I should have been though. It appears from reading the inputs that she knew a heck of a lot more about immigration then I did.  Makes a person feel a little like an idiot as I look back at things.
 
I love this website, I wish I would have found it before I jumped into the fire but I am learning a lot as I read through everything.


Thanks again for all the inputs.

[Ray]

Hi Dennis,

From what you wrote, it sounds like she is now trying to self-petition for Removal of Conditions, which would indicate that she is still not remarried. Since she hired an immigration lawyer and needs a letter from you would indicate that she is probably having problems with CIS on her petition.

Why not recover some of your costs? Tell her that the price for the letter is $10,000, or whatever you feel would repay you for most of your expenses (visa, plane fares, divorce costs, etc.). If this new guy really wants her, let him pay for it like you did. I wouldn’t let some other guy off with cheap poontang on your dime.

Note on the niece adoption thing: Like L4W, my first thought was that it was probably her daughter (visa fraud). For info, you can’t just adopt a foreign child, niece or no niece, and get a visa for the child. Unless the child is an orphan, you would probably have to go down and live with the child AFTER the adoption in her country for a couple of years before she was eligible for a visa.

Ray

[william3rd]

What they usually do on the adoption thingee is bring the niece up as a tourist and then establish the adoption and 2 years of parental control here before going for the green card.

Problem with having her "buy" the letter is that any evidence of the demand can be used to show bad faith on his part thus helping her instead of hurting her.

[mudd]

1st, don’t give her a letter, she is out of line for asking for it, since she was not honest in what she did. Yes, she did play you and she had other ideas and motive for marrying you. Write a letter to DHS or INS, explaining what had happened with the relationship, her actions and motives ECT, and explain what she is trying to do now. If you have e mails from her, where she tells her plans and what she is trying to do, also send those along with your letter.  And then tell her not to contact you anymore.
Usually, it’s the younger girls who pull this, little surprised with a girl so old, that she did this.

[rpcv]

Why not recover some of your costs? Tell her that the price for the letter is $10,000, or whatever you feel would repay you for most of your expenses (visa, plane fares, divorce costs, etc.). If this new guy really wants her, let him pay for it like you did. I wouldn’t let some other guy off with cheap pussy on your dime.

Note on the niece adoption thing: Like L4W, my first thought was that it was probably her daughter (visa fraud). For info, you can’t just adopt a foreign child, niece or no niece, and get a visa for the child. Unless the child is an orphan, you would probably have to go down and live with the child AFTER the adoption in her country for a couple of years before she was eligible for a visa.

I am really sorry to hear about your situation Dennis. I agree with what Ray said above too regarding recovering your "costs".

The adoption issue is an interesting one. From what I can recall, children have to be adopted through the Colombian Family Welfare Institute and approved adoption agencies. Colombian law also requires that both adopting parents be physically present when the adoption is presented to a family judge and I believe the whole process can be quite expensive.   

[daytrader]

How long were you dating this woman Dennis before the engagement?  How long between the engagement & marriage?  How many different trips did you make during the courtship?  How many days did you spend together before deciding to offer her a ring? 

I suggest to readers that you negotiate and discuss everything possible before getting hitched.  Hobbies, work, tv time, long distance phone calls, travel, trips back home, desire to be near relatives.  Homesickness is a huge topic, especially with the younger ones.   Find out what she is willing to do and give to you so that you are in a win/win situation after shelling out thousands of dollars and making a huge emotional committment in front of your family and friends (and risking a lot of embarrassment if things go wrong). 

I suggest that you spend at least 30 or more days together over a period of time before giving her a ring...I definitely would not comply with her requests unless she coughs up dinero, she is continuing to use you as a doormat.  Don't act like a victim, don't be a wimp. 

The first question I ask myself when meeting an 'available' woman is....."why is she single?"  Until I can fully answer that question, I keep my emotions in check and my wallet stays in the back pocket.  Find out why her past relationships have not worked out and how future failure can be avoided before getting emotionally involved.  This method minimizes emotional and financial losses and promotes restful sleeping at night!  lol 

DayTrader

[pan de bono]

Be careful man she may be trying to double screw you. These women know all the tricks, they teach each other what to do and what to say. if i were in your shoes i would totally ignore her, blow her off! you dont need the headaches.
Find a new girl start fresh.

[Ray]

What they usually do on the adoption thingee is bring the niece up as a tourist and then establish the adoption and 2 years of parental control here before going for the green card.

Another reason why it's so difficult to get a tourist visa... 

[Dennis]

I am taking everyones advice and just going to ignore her.  I am drafting a letter to ICE and I will leave it at that.  I liked Ray's idea but I think that William3rd is correct that it may help her and I don't want to do that. 

Thanks again for all the inputs.  It is nice to have a board like this where so many people have experience is relationships with foreign women.

This one got in my pockets but I am still thinking that I prefer foreign women to American women.  Plus I enjoy Colombia it is a wonderful place to go and relax.

Thanks.

[Dennis]

Thanks again for everyone advice.  I think I am going to just ignore her and submit a letter to ICE and leave it at that.  I did like Ray's Idea but I think William3rd is correct it would probably help her and come back and bite me.

I enjoy this board, it is great to be able to get help from so many people who have a vast experience with foreign relationships. 

This relationship took a bite out of my bank account but I haven't given up, I still prefer foreign women to American Women.  I also love South America, it is so much fun going there to visit and meet new people and relax.

Thanks again.