like anything it depends. generally speaking, the cost of living is high, even in NJ. a small decent apt, one bedroom in nj or queens ny will run about $900-$1200 depending on the area and how close it is to nyc. the closer you are to the city the cheaper it'll cost you to commute. my friend lives in bogota nj, it's about $4 roundtrip and about 30min into the city but another friends lives about 45 minutes into nj fromthe port authority bus terminal and it costs her $200 a month for a monthly pass. the communte is not difficult but can be time consuming especially when it snows and rains, lots of delays. staten lsland doesn't have any subways, so you depend on buses, the ferry or a car. i personally wouldn't consider staten island if you plan to commute to the city, too complicated. consider either weehawken, jersey city, or sunnyside, woodside, astoria, long isand city all in queens.
jk