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Latin International Dating Forums => Latin -> General discussion => Topic started by: Hector_Lavoe on December 15, 2013, 11:07:15 PM
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I have been on Latin American Cupid (LAC) a lot lately. Meeting a lot of nice women. I recently connected with this Venezuelan lady who really knocks me out. On paper she has just about everything I could ask for: she is 32, no kids, very pretty, smart (university educated teacher) and seems very sweet/thoughtful.
But we were chatting the other day on Skype and she made it clear that she attends church EVERY Sunday. I told her I was spiritual but not religious and that I did not attend church. She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week.
No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.
The other Latinas I have dated both here in the USA and abroad have tended to be more casually religious. That is, they believed in God but did not attend church regularly (if at all). And they certainly did not expect their significant other to attend church with them every week.
So I am curious to know what other guys have experienced in this realm. Did you have to make accommodations for your wife/novia in this area? If so, has it worked out or not? Or did you just make sure you were both on the same page in this area before you got married/or serious?
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I have been on Latin American Cupid (LAC) a lot lately. Meeting a lot of nice women. I recently connected with this Venezuelan lady who really knocks me out. On paper she has just about everything I could ask for: she is 32, no kids, very pretty, smart (university educated teacher) and seems very sweet/thoughtful.
But we were chatting the other day on Skype and she made it clear that she attends church EVERY Sunday. I told her I was spiritual but not religious and that I did not attend church. She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week.
No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.
The other Latinas I have dated both here in the USA and abroad have tended to be more casually religious. That is, they believed in God but did not attend church regularly (if at all). And they certainly did not expect their significant other to attend church with them every week.
So I am curious to know what other guys have experienced in this realm. Did you have to make accommodations for your wife/novia in this area? If so, has it worked out or not? Or did you just make sure you were both on the same page in this area before you got married/or serious?
I'd imagine you explained your religious practices/feelings with her beyond just your lack of attendance. I don't want to read too much into what you're saying--more exactly how you're explaining it, but I'd say for sure it needs more discussing. Is it a firm request or an ultimatum and if you don't don't comply, a deal breaker? Sometimes they will say it's neither of the last two, but it just irritates her so much later on that it becomes unbearable.
A lot of Filipinas are very religious and go to church every Sunday, sometimes on other days as well.
I explained to my wife for four years before we became engaged that while I too believed in God, I didn't go to church a lot of Sundays. Having two sons, she saw me taking them to catechism for years, which is required of children and adults before they become formally accepted as catholic church members.It's an educational program.
I think there are a lot of Filipinas who will marry a non Catholic and as long as he believes and doesn't disparage God, they are usually fine about church attendance in their spouse, or the lack thereof. They probably will expect the children (if any) to be raised Catholic.
I don't know how this Venezuelan woman is and it sounds like you need to find more out.
My wife and I suppose her family's only request of me dealing with religion was that we try to 'Keep God in the middle" they didn't elaborate, I didn't ask. Known her over 12 years, been married about 8 and sometimes she goes to church without me. WE don't have long, drawn out discussions about God or religion, but the way she lives, I'd describe as being very conscious of the Ten Commandments.
That said, when we do go to church together, we try and make a date out of it. We attend mass at the large and lovely cathedral downtown, then have a nice lunch in a café, maybe walk the park or shop a bit.
Lately I've been staying home Sundays--had major spinal surgery on a few vertebrae and the idea of doing extra driving and sitting on a hard church pew and kneeling doesn't appeal to me--the Dr. told me to not even work for six weeks. But she's gone every Sunday (skipping the lunch and maybe a little shopping after)and maybe that's why my back feels so much better!
In your situation, I'd just make darn sure that religious differences between the two of you don't have a strong potential to cause real problems. I'd discuss it with her a number of times in a number of different ways to make sure she's telling you how it really is (and probably really will be) rather than her watering it down or otherwise telling you what she thinks you want to hear.
You end up with this lady, you probably should get used to saying grace before meals and praying a bit at bed time too.
I'm not saying in cases like this we should try and negotiate a little 'wiggle room'--I am saying that if you don't intend to be going to church and/or you would find going to church a pain, be totally upfront and tell her you don't buy into 'all that'. If you make it clear and agree now, it'll mean a lot less trouble later on if she's really into church attendance and reading religious signs and meanings into everything.
I don't think I could live with someone that devout. Sometimes I convince my wife to 'sleep in' and miss church--it doesn't make her any less Catholic or religious. I lose my temper, swear too much--even use the Lord's name in the wrong way and places sometimes and we're still together. She knew I was that way before we married, and that's made all the difference.
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I dated a very religious girl in Colombia from the Cartago area about two years ago and it didn't last very long. They're like communism, they look great on paper but simply won't ever work in the real world because of human nature (that is unless of course you're a really religious guy). Unlike in the U.S. where from my experience most girls from religious families are loose cannons waiting for someone to light their fuses, girls like this in Latin America are usually exactly what they appear to be. They are usually honest, virtuous women that are either virgins or have never been with more than a couple of guys sexually. They are not at all material and have little interest in designer clothing, shoes and handbags. Most don't wear very much makeup either. They understand and embrace their role as a wife and mother and expect their men to lead the household and bring home the bacon. There are some significant downsides as well though.
For the short time I was dating this girl, we had to have a chaperone anywhere we went. The only time I was alone with her was after we'd finish and I'd drop her off at home. We would usually have a few minutes on the porch of her house after each date before I left. Now this might not seem so bad, and I was actually accumstomed to it to some extent. It only reminded me of the days back at Jamie's before I learned Spanish and always needed a translator. The difference was I could tell the translator to "beat it" anytime I wanted to. With this girl, our chaperone, who was usually her older cousin that lived with her, was with us every second of every date. The worse thing was this girl was 24 years old. Entirely too old not to be trusted alone in my opinion.
As evil as this may sound, IMHO whether or not there's sexual chemistry between you and a girl should be something that's established relatively early in a courtship. I'm not talking about sleeping with a girl on the first couple of dates. As a matter of fact that's a red flag for me. But within the first two or three months (or at least by your third trip) you all should be doing the nasty. I don't know about you guys, but I've dated girls where everything seems perfect, and the second you finish having sex for the first time you know for a fact the relationship isn't going anywhere. It's sort of like that awkward feeling you get if you've ever slept with a girl you were friends with for a long time. With a girl that's really religious you're going to most likely be waiting until you're married or at the very least several months before having sex. If things aren't clicking in the bed, those may have been several months you could have spent getting to know someone else.
I won't dwell on the good or bad points more than I need to. But my advice would be to understand exactly what you're getting into when dating girls like this; and be completely honest with yourself in terms of whether or not you can live up to her expectations. There's also some moral implications in there as well. Even if you are willing to embrace her lifestyle, you don't want to be in church every Sunday listening to the priest recite bible verses, thinking to yourself, "This is BULL$#!T!!" It's like I tell my atheist buddies though: "If you don't believe and there isn't a God or angels or heaven and an afterlife, then the same thing will happen to all of us when we die. If you don't believe and everything in the bible is true...well, we all know how that story ends! ;D
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I spent several years in Peru, which is supposed to be a very religious, catholic country. In a way it is. Almost everyone believes in God, prays, etc. Some Peruvians go to church regularly, but most people I knew there don't go that often if at all. Also, most Peruvians don't really care too much about what the church or the bible says. I think to most of them it is more like a tradition, but they don't take religion too seriously..
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She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week.
No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.
In addition to going to church weekly it is also reasonable to think she'll want to take part in other church activities (there can be lots of those). If she wants you to waste your Sunday with this she'll probably want you to accompany her to other church functions as well. Now if she was willing to be dropped off or go alone that could be good for you and give you your own free time. But if she's intent on dragging you then I think you already know how to handle this... just move on to the next chica.
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Seems that maybe there are some very different mindsets and behaviors between Filipinos and South Americans when it comes to marriage and the need/pressures to adapt to one another's religious customs. I find the differences as described here hard to believe, but I can't prove otherwise.
On the one hand, I think you'd be hard pressed to find people who are more devout, namely who have stronger faith in the Catholic church as an institution, than Filipinos. If a catastrophe came down and killed 99 million out of the 100 million or so Filipinos, they'd go to church and thank God for saving one in every hundred people. Their faith doesn't know the word 'quit'. Then in terms of loyalty to family--family unity, especially amongst FilipinAs, (females) I don't think it gets much stronger across any cultures.
But except for some smaller, kind of off the wall Christian sects, Catholics and most faiths tied into the Catholic fold pretty closely don't seem to press the foreign guys they marry to up and change and become come to Church every Sunday w/o fail church goers, doing bake sales, giving lots of money, doing prayer marathons etc., etc.
I don't think an atheist would get far and an agnostic might have a hard time marrying into a Filipino family. I think even in circles where a very religious Filipina is relatively well off and educated, that they probably wouldn't make a foreigner change his faith much. As said, they might ask that as a couple they raise any kids they may have in the church. We did, so when the kids are old enough, they could decide intelligently for themselves . They did and they believe in God.
In the Philippines, probably like in most of S. America, If you want an official church wedding in the church with a priest, then you're at the mercy of the church, the priest, Bishop, etc. and anything goes. In the Philippines, if you married a separated woman was who married once before in the church there and you want to pay the big bucks so she can (maybe) get her marriage annulled and legally re wed, the church holds the cards then and there. The church and the govt. keeps very strict records on all that.
In fact even though my wife and I were married civilly in the USA, (not in the Church) she could not remarry easily in the Philippines because it's also registered there--certainly not easily if we divorced for her to remary there in the church--they're very strict and tough.
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I don't think an atheist would get far and an agnostic might have a hard time marrying into a Filipino family
I'd be with you if you said this might be a roadblock, but I'd have to disagree. I think there are plenty of women all over the planet that attend church that won't force their husbands to participate. A young American doctors rolls in to help out with the disaster and I don't think the families are saying... only let him take you to dinner if he will go to mass with you tomorrow.
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I'd be with you if you said this might be a roadblock, but I'd have to disagree. I think there are plenty of women all over the planet that attend church that won't force their husbands to participate. A young American doctors rolls in to help out with the disaster and I don't think the families are saying... only let him take you to dinner if he will go to mass with you tomorrow.
There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.
Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."
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There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.
Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."
Rob, I think we have a guy like that here. I can't quite remember his name, but he is loud and knows everything about just about everything.
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There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.
Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."
All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it. It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.
Since the title includes the word Novia I have no idea why an Asian woman's religion is relevant. Catholicism is quite a bit different in Latin America than it is in the USA. About the only similarities that I see is that alter boys can't get pregnant. Other than that they are pretty different for being the same.
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All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it. It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.
Since the title includes the word Novia I have no idea why an Asian woman's religion is relevant. Catholicism is quite a bit different in Latin America than it is in the USA. About the only similarities that I see is that alter boys can't get pregnant. Other than that they are pretty different for being the same.
Awww, BCC, just go fix yourself another scotch on the rocks and sleep it off~! :D
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What are you guys a bunch of commies? If you dont want a religious girl Go to Russia.
There you will feel right at Home with a non religious girl and You can stay their and rot with all the rest :o of the commies. and burn Bibles. and wait for the Muslims to take over.
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Rocket: I thought Joe McCarthy was dead? Really, call someone a commie because he prefers a more secular oriented gal. Don't know what you are smoking but you might want to stop inhaling. As I recall, you are 55 years old and go down to Colombia to be with 19 yr old girls. You are trying to lecture others about pious girls? Give it a rest already.
BCC: You really find it necessary to lecture a guy with a Fillipina wife about the Phillipines? Give it a rest please.
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My advice...grow some balls. If you're keeping a woman well satisfied in the bedroom there would be no need to ask questions like this. You're the MAN, you run the show, period. I guarantee I'd date a religious chick and won't hesitate to verbally sh*t all over her so called "religion". My ex girlfriend went to church at least 3 days a week and always tried to get me to go with her. I'd just laugh at her when she'd bring up her church crap. Then after I'd give her multiple orgasms I'd take a fat hit off a joint and blow the smoke in her face. She'd call me a "demonio descarado" haha!! I freaking loved that chick.
Another thing, from my point of view, these "religious" goody two shoes types just beg to be cheated on, which is ok with me I guess.
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As evil as this may sound, IMHO whether or not there's sexual chemistry between you and a girl should be something that's established relatively early in a courtship. I'm not talking about sleeping with a girl on the first couple of dates. As a matter of fact that's a red flag for me. But within the first two or three months (or at least by your third trip) you all should be doing the nasty. I don't know about you guys, but I've dated girls where everything seems perfect, and the second you finish having sex for the first time you know for a fact the relationship isn't going anywhere.
Not evil at all. Sounds like common sense to me!
I won't dwell on the good or bad points more than I need to. But my advice would be to understand exactly what you're getting into when dating girls like this; and be completely honest with yourself in terms of whether or not you can live up to her expectations. There's also some moral implications in there as well. Even if you are willing to embrace her lifestyle, you don't want to be in church every Sunday listening to the priest recite bible verses, thinking to yourself, "This is BULL$#!T!!" It's like I tell my atheist buddies though: "If you don't believe and there isn't a God or angels or heaven and an afterlife, then the same thing will happen to all of us when we die. If you don't believe and everything in the bible is true...well, we all know how that story ends! ;D
Thanks for the post. Some very good points here.
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My advice...grow some balls. If you're keeping a woman well satisfied in the bedroom there would be no need to ask questions like this. You're the MAN, you run the show, period. I guarantee I'd date a religious chick and won't hesitate to verbally sh*t all over her so called "religion". My ex girlfriend went to church at least 3 days a week and always tried to get me to go with her. I'd just laugh at her when she'd bring up her church crap. Then after I'd give her multiple orgasms I'd take a fat hit off a joint and blow the smoke in her face. She'd call me a "demonio descarado" haha!! I freaking loved that chick.
Another thing, from my point of view, these "religious" goody two shoes types just beg to be cheated on, which is ok with me I guess.
Htown: I am not a religious guy. But I sure wish there was a hell because you'd most certainly be going there.
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Their is a Hell and Dont worry It will come sooner than latter. I guess!! :o
18 she was 19 You commie. :P You guys will be begging Jesus for forgiveness. But the angels will hold you back from even talking to him and will send you on your way. and your wife and or girl friend wont be where your going.
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As should be obvious, I have NEVER met this girl in person. She lives in Venezuela and I live in California. I have only chatted with her online two times.
Our second chat was tonight and I did ask her to clarify. She said she did not expect her husband to go to Church every Sunday but she hoped he'd go once a month. Bottom line is God/Religion is a top priority for her. I prefer a more secular girl.
Despite what another poster implied, a real man tells the girl the truth and does not mislead her, especially if they live thousands of miles away. So I made it clear to her where I was coming from. That is, about the only time I am in a church is for a wedding.
My grandfather was a very scientific guy who thought Darwin was a hero. His wife (my grandmother) was a devout Christian who attended church regularly. So I've seen polar opposites make it work. But it does not seem like an ideal starting place when there are so many more secular oriented gals in So. America for me (and plenty of religious guys for her).
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You scum athiest need your own country. and your non religious girls with you.
Hey Hitler and his girls would be perfect for you Nazis. Remember the first thing he did was burn the bibles. then he went after gods people.
You guys would fit in perfect in a Nazi society.
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Ok rocket. Next time you are in Medellin paying for sex with an 18 year old be sure to keep the bible clutched tightly next to you.
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You Fools with no god. Looking for girls in Christian countries, Ask yourself why?
Go to Russia. and by the way stay out of the USA where its even more Christian oriented. You will strike OUT!! :)
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Our second chat was tonight and I did ask her to clarify. She said she did not expect her husband to go to Church every Sunday but she hoped he'd go once a month. Bottom line is God/Religion is a top priority for her. I prefer a more secular girl. ............................
But it does not seem like an ideal starting place when there are so many more secular oriented gals in So. America for me (and plenty of religious guys for her).
It is true your odds might be better with someone else, but it's so easy to assume while talking online. I remember this particularly nice guy, he asked a lot of details about my family and relatives which I thought it was nice but at the end he cut me off completely as soon as I mentioned there is a catholic priest, a christian pastor and a couple of nuns in my family... even though I am not religious. Me being old fashioned combined with that led him to believe I was some sort of fanatic I am sure!
When she clarified, did you tell her you were not comfortable with that? how did she react? it's a bigger deal if you plan to have children, but if you are not there might still be a chance there I think.
I learned that catholics in the USA are more like christians in Mexico and I did not feel comfortable with it. Most catholics in MX don't even know how to pray, it's more about tradition. So perhaps you need to start looking into which religions are more on "your level" if that makes sense if you are going to consider religious women at all.
To me the main thing was that they had to be open minded and respectful, the odds to make things work with an atheist always seemed as bad as it would be with a religious fanatic in my case at least. I ended up with a non religious guy like myself that comes from a catholic family, we share old fashioned values and we both respect tradition.
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All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it. It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.
sweet Jesus, you have no ideal when to give it a rest...do you child?
I think what RobertAngel has to say about PI is a little more credible than your 'cum dumpster' comments...you never learned much respect in the household you were brought up in....
Fathertime!
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Htown: I am not a religious guy. But I sure wish there was a hell because you'd most certainly be going there.
Don't judge me bro!! Haaaahahaha!!!
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sweet Jesus, you have no ideal when to give it a rest...do you child?
I think what RobertAngel has to say about PI is a little more credible than your 'cum dumpster' comments...you never learned much respect in the household you were brought up in....
Fathertime!
Calling me a child is about as accurate as me calling you a young buck. The Philippines is right up there as a top sex destination on this planet so let's no pretend the Philippines is full of sweet praying angels.
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Their is a Hell and Dont worry It will come sooner than latter. I guess!! :o
18 she was 19 You commie. :P You guys will be begging Jesus for forgiveness. But the angels will hold you back from even talking to him and will send you on your way. and your wife and or girl friend wont be where your going.
Where do dirty, old, sexually depraved perverts go when they die?
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Bcc knows so much about the philippines from all the brochures he reads. Sorry Rob you don't know the philippines. Let bcc tell you how it is. Maybe he can prepare a packet of educational materials for you.
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Bcc knows so much about the philippines from all the brochures he reads. Sorry Rob you don't know the philippines. Let bcc tell you how it is. Maybe he can prepare a packet of educational materials for you.
Might be time to knock all the countries where the 1st world goes to get their nut off their pedestal of innocent moral high-ground.
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My advice...grow some balls. If you're keeping a woman well satisfied in the bedroom there would be no need to ask questions like this. You're the MAN, you run the show, period. I guarantee I'd date a religious chick and won't hesitate to verbally sh*t all over her so called "religion". My ex girlfriend went to church at least 3 days a week and always tried to get me to go with her. I'd just laugh at her when she'd bring up her church crap. Then after I'd give her multiple orgasms I'd take a fat hit off a joint and blow the smoke in her face. She'd call me a "demonio descarado" haha!! I freaking loved that chick.
Another thing, from my point of view, these "religious" goody two shoes types just beg to be cheated on, which is ok with me I guess.
Thanks for sharing that with the entire class ::)
You maybe should've married her. In your own obviously very special ways, you may have been perfect for each other. Is she the one who gave you that name 'Awesome', by chance? I thought it was your own creation, but now seeing what a real man you obviously are, it's hard to tell, LOL.
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What are you guys a bunch of commies? If you dont want a religious girl Go to Russia.
There you will feel right at Home with a non religious girl and You can stay their and rot with all the rest :o of the commies. and burn Bibles. and wait for the Muslims to take over.
Most certainly not! I think by and large, most of us are closet queens of the John Birch Society! ;)
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It is true your odds might be better with someone else, but it's so easy to assume while talking online. I remember this particularly nice guy, he asked a lot of details about my family and relatives which I thought it was nice but at the end he cut me off completely as soon as I mentioned there is a catholic priest, a christian pastor and a couple of nuns in my family... even though I am not religious. Me being old fashioned combined with that led him to believe I was some sort of fanatic I am sure!
When she clarified, did you tell her you were not comfortable with that? how did she react? it's a bigger deal if you plan to have children, but if you are not there might still be a chance there I think.
I learned that catholics in the USA are more like christians in Mexico and I did not feel comfortable with it. Most catholics in MX don't even know how to pray, it's more about tradition. So perhaps you need to start looking into which religions are more on "your level" if that makes sense if you are going to consider religious women at all.
To me the main thing was that they had to be open minded and respectful, the odds to make things work with an atheist always seemed as bad as it would be with a religious fanatic in my case at least. I ended up with a non religious guy like myself that comes from a catholic family, we share old fashioned values and we both respect tradition.
IV: Thanks for your thoughtful post. Yes, we both have no kids but we both want them in the future. So that does complicate things a bit. Also, she apparently attends an evangelical church in Venezuela. In general, evangelicals in the USA are too extreme for my tastes. That said, I don't know enough about evangelicals in Venezuela but the USA track record is not good.
A traditional (or semi-traditional) cahtolic girl from Latin America that wants to attend church on major holidays (and for me to go with her) is fine in my book. But weekly or monthly church attendance is not in my game plan. I put a suit/tie on most days for work. The last thing I want to do on a Sunday is get up early and get dressed up like that again!
She is clearly open to a guy that does not go all the time with her and I could probably "neogiate" her down to once every two months or something. But if she resembles the evangelicals in the USA I could not make that work. Of course, I can't "judge" this girl in just two chat sessions. She could be different....she does appear to be "modern/progressive" in every other way. University educatated, professional, etc.
But there are millions of ladies in Latin America so it is probably best to forget about it and look elsewhere.
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I dated a very religious girl in Colombia from the Cartago area about two years ago and it didn't last very long. They're like communism, they look great on paper but simply won't ever work in the real world because of human nature (that is unless of course you're a really religious guy). Unlike in the U.S. where from my experience most girls from religious families are loose cannons waiting for someone to light their fuses, girls like this in Latin America are usually exactly what they appear to be. They are usually honest, virtuous women that are either virgins or have never been with more than a couple of guys sexually. They are not at all material and have little interest in designer clothing, shoes and handbags. Most don't wear very much makeup either. They understand and embrace their role as a wife and mother and expect their men to lead the household and bring home the bacon. There are some significant downsides as well though.
Based on her LAC profile/photos she is not afraid to put on some make-up and dress it up. Granted she isn't in a G-string bent over the hood of a sports car like some of those ladies on LAC. Never been to Venezuela but the women there appear to be like Colombianas...they like to look their best. Of course, there are always excpetions. But this lady already told me she likes to do natural beauty treaments every weekend for her skin and face. And they are certainly doing the trick for her.
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Is she the one who gave you that name 'Awesome', by chance?
I was already Awesome way before she came along. :)
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Calling me a child is about as accurate as me calling you a young buck.
you are correct...a better description would have been infantile.
Fathertime!
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No harm in testing the waters like they say. Are you looking exclusively in her country or all over?
I would advice against making judgments based on american standards, you decided to look abroad because we are different no? so it wouldn't make sense to "measure them up" the same. Though it does sound like you should focus on non-religious women, in Mexico that would include women listed as catholic, not sure over there.
If you have anything on your profile mentioning god you are attracting the wrong crowd or if you are contacting women that mention it on their profile then you might want to try avoiding them and see how that goes, an expression here and there should be safe enough.
Another hint could be what kind of wedding they want. I always mentioned if possible I would want the church wedding with fluffy white dress and all but it was not a requirement. In my opinion women who are adamant about this are either more religious than it seems or simply care too much about what people will think.
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As should be obvious, I have NEVER met this girl in person. She lives in Venezuela and I live in California. I have only chatted with her online two times.
For some reason, I thought you were more involved--more serious about this girl. It sounds a bit more like she's really pretty and as with most guys, you like that and you're letting the rest fall into place as it may (or may not) go 'as time goes by'.
So it sounds like a long time before , (if ever) that you're planning on visiting Venezuela, but the last time I heard, it's not the safest, friendliest place for Americans to spend time in. Just food for thought.
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Just be upfront with this woman. If you don't plan on attending church with her then tell her. My wife and I are different religions. I went to Mass with her for a while until she got settled here but then stopped going. The reason I stopped is because I'm not Catholic. It just didn't seem right to be there for any other reason than being Catholic. She knew I wasn't Catholic from the start.
There is no way to predict future issues with someone but if you can get things like that settled it helps. There have been other issues arise but if I want to do things her way I will but if not I put my foot down. She knows I'm stubborn enough not to bend once my mind is made up.
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All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it. It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.
Since the title includes the word Novia I have no idea why an Asian woman's religion is relevant. Catholicism is quite a bit different in Latin America than it is in the USA. About the only similarities that I see is that alter boys can't get pregnant. Other than that they are pretty different for being the same.
Wow, you continue to out do yourself, with your 'man of the world' knowledge on cultures, economies and customs of other nations. There's a stark irony in your statement made with (hard to believe but true) increasingly gross, insulting and debasing language :
>>Might be time to knock all the countries where the 1st world goes to get their nut off their pedestal of innocent moral high-ground<<<
You, spew crap like that while counting down the days before you can retire to your Honduran 'paradise' with your every post?
Didn't you find the love of your life in Honduras? You seem depict it as an almost utopian place. Not the end all authoritarian resource, but not some shabby ragazine or one sided website either, but according to Wikipedia, on Honduras:
>>Crime is a major problem in Honduras, which has the highest murder rate of any nation<<
Drug trafficking is widely known to be a major problem there.
Prostitution is also widely known to be a major, major business there and Honduras is the only nation I've heard of where child prostitution is said to be even more of a problem than it is in Thailand.
Look, BCC, for a long time, I watched guys bash you left and right and I stayed out of it. Yea, I rolled my eyes and your bratty, immature 'know it all' posts irked me, but I didn't want to get in line with the guys who quite often call you out---I sort of likened you to Zon, who a lot of times caught criticism no matter what he wrote. I stayed out of the fray.
So what if you like to talk on one hand about all the money you have, but being ungrateful for just about everything, critical of the people who gave you the money to start with shows a sordid lack of class and other signs bordering on indicators of mental illness. Perhaps I should show pity for you rather than annoyance.
Nonetheless, as you write and reveal what may well be your true colors more and more, I am beginning to think that despite your hypocrisy about such places, that Honduras may well be the perfect fit for a person like you!
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Yes, Robert, I hear you. Hate to drag this thread further into the mud....
BCC your tasteless reply No. 9 in this thread appeared directed at Rob when it was Belluah who provoked you. Robert was calmly disagreeing with you and you went straight to the gutter. Perhaps that was just sloppiness on your part. I am not sure. Was going to defend you in Jimmy's investment thread but withheld comment because I figured you were bound to offend someone else soon enough. Like the girl who slept with the whole football team (or was rumored to have done so)....your reputation precedes you now.
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For some reason, I thought you were more involved--more serious about this girl. It sounds a bit more like she's really pretty and as with most guys, you like that and you're letting the rest fall into place as it may (or may not) go 'as time goes by'.
So it sounds like a long time before , (if ever) that you're planning on visiting Venezuela, but the last time I heard, it's not the safest, friendliest place for Americans to spend time in. Just food for thought.
Yeah, I can understand why you might have thought that. To some degree I am taking a page from Ace and Stevieboy who both recently pulled off one woman trips. I have NO plans to go to Venezuela. Again, I've only chatted with this gal TWO times. I am experimenting with the method right now. Typically, I have only used Skype for ladies I had already met in person. Just feeling my way around with a different approach (i.e., Skype first and maybe meet in person later).
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No harm in testing the waters like they say. Are you looking exclusively in her country or all over?
I would advice against making judgments based on american standards, you decided to look abroad because we are different no? so it wouldn't make sense to "measure them up" the same. Though it does sound like you should focus on non-religious women, in Mexico that would include women listed as catholic, not sure over there.
If you have anything on your profile mentioning god you are attracting the wrong crowd or if you are contacting women that mention it on their profile then you might want to try avoiding them and see how that goes, an expression here and there should be safe enough.
Another hint could be what kind of wedding they want. I always mentioned if possible I would want the church wedding with fluffy white dress and all but it was not a requirement. In my opinion women who are adamant about this are either more religious than it seems or simply care too much about what people will think.
I am open to any country in Latin America. Yes, I do screen the profiles before I reply. Some ladies will mention God and church in the self-description, etc. I don't reply to those. But this woman did not have that much detail. Just the generic "Religious" box checked off on her profile. I have met several other ladies with the same box checked and well they were not avid church attendees at all. Just once in a while, etc.
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Hector if you like everything else about her I'd just humor her for now on the church thing. Most colombianas are superstitious so either follow Catholicism, a cristiana sect or brujeria (witchcraft) in fact most I've met take brujeria more seriously than either of the churches. I have a friend who was pissed because his woman spent good money on special water to throw on the walls to keep away evil spirits. Of course she was worth it so he gave her the money.
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Hector if you like everything else about her I'd just humor her for now on the church thing. Most colombianas are superstitious so either follow Catholicism, a cristiana sect or brujeria (witchcraft) in fact most I've met take brujeria more seriously than either of the churches. I have a friend who was pissed because his woman spent good money on special water to throw on the walls to keep away evil spirits. Of course she was worth it so he gave her the money.
Buencamino: Thanks. Yeah, I hear you. That sounds reasonable enough and I see no harm in chatting with her some more and see what happens. It is just when I hear someone say they go to an evangelical church every Sunday I jump to some conclusions (however fair or unfair that is).
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I am open to any country in Latin America. Yes, I do screen the profiles before I reply. Some ladies will mention God and church in the self-description, etc. I don't reply to those. But this woman did not have that much detail. Just the generic "Religious" box checked off on her profile. I have met several other ladies with the same box checked and well they were not avid church attendees at all. Just once in a while, etc.
Some perspective on this. The women in Latin America, unlike us, do not have to pay to use cupid and see messages, so they can be more casual about it's use than we are since we pay for it. Also, my wife has created cupid accounts for several of her friends at their request because they weren't computer savvy enough, so I wouldn't put much stock in profiles other than the pics and whether they have children...
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Buencamino: Thanks. Yeah, I hear you. That sounds reasonable enough and I see no harm in chatting with her some more and see what happens. It is just when I hear someone say they go to an evangelical church every Sunday I jump to some conclusions (however fair or unfair that is).
Sounds like you're just 'rolling with it' which makes sense. You're early in with this lady---your not putting huge significance early on into anyone thing makes sense and that's the way it really was, until we wrote a whole lot more into it. Us making an issue out of what was basically an innocuous religion question into a no sense, drag it out and on and on topic made NO sense. There was no description of this lady's actual, observed religious habits, no mention of her handling snakes in church to prove their faith, speaking in tongues, etc. Nonetheless, this thread got off on a religious track--never an easy topic and lost a lot of perspective from there (I take plenty of blame and apologize) with it pin balling here and there.
But Mambo's right about friends and family members often helping women set up accounts on these Cupid and other sites. My wife did it for a cousin--in fact she actually was the one typing for her at first. Sounds comedic--as they would be on cam (Her cousin and her now long time husband) and my wife along side her, typing a mix of their thoughts so it would hopefully 'come out right'--and despite adding this extra element to the already 'lost in translation' element always present between cultures/languages, it really worked out well in this case. The guy she liked very early on has actually been to her married to the cousin seven years now and they're still going strong on a very rural farm in frozen Illinois!
But you have to take a lot of stuff that's written on profiles with a grain of salt. If she says she's 5'0 tall, don't be surprised if she's 4'10 or 4'11. Says 99 pounds? I'd round that up--in general, I'd round weight up and take their body's 'vital statistics (if even given) with a grain of salt the size of a sugar cube.
A lot of women will make them selves out to be more devout 'good girls' than they really are and do you think they really expect "Prince Charming" or "Their Knight in Shining Armor" from us?--Gag me--I hope not, and a another reason I'm glad my sister has 4 brothers--she knows we're ALL bad sometimes.
A lot of people 'gild the lily' a bit, exaggerating, if you will. Do you think women lie about their age? The only difference in many cases like these is besides saying they're younger than they really are as many N. American women routinely do, some babes who are 16 y/o (or somewhere around that age) in other countries will claim they're 18 or older. If you read the archives here, there are stories of guys intent on one trip, one woman, who traveled to meet her and her family, only to find it was one trip to meet what turned out to be a 16 year old, with the possibility of staying there a lot longer --in jail on underage rape charges!
~~On The internet, no one knows you're really a Dog~~
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But Mambo's right about friends and family members often helping women set up accounts on these Cupid and other sites. My wife did it for a cousin--in fact she actually was the one typing for her at first. Sounds comedic--as they would be on cam (Her cousin and her now long time husband) and my wife along side her, typing a mix of their thoughts so it would hopefully 'come out right'--and despite adding this extra element to the already 'lost in translation' element always present between cultures/languages, it really worked out well in this case. The guy she liked very early on has actually been to her married to the cousin seven years now and they're still going strong on a very rural farm in frozen Illinois!
Is your wife Febtember's cousin?
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I think a much bigger issue is her living in Venezuela. You dont wanna go there unless you have to . Almost as bad as Honduras. You'd have to be a real social outcast loser to go to a place like that just to meet a woman (Sorry BCC, I'm getting hit with "Lord of the Flies Syndrome" myself).. :D
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Oh you are considering the possibility of making a trip exclusively for one woman? that's brave! and a great attitude no matter if you end up doing it or not.
I know we dragged on the religion thing but it was refreshing for me to find a different and very useful question for a change around here.
Anyways, as you might know Mexico is not exactly a #1 destination for dating, so in my case the few men I met came here just to meet me and I must admit I did end up in some awkward situations, thankfully that never happened with someone who came from too far away or for too long so I wouldn't feel as guilty. I was still friendly and polite of course, acting more of a tourist guide than anything :-X
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Oh you are considering the possibility of making a trip exclusively for one woman? that's brave! and a great attitude no matter if you end up doing it or not.
Actually, that is not on the table. I think Elexpatriado was conjecturing that IF I did that it might be a bit nuts given the security situation in Venezuela, etc. I won't rule anything out at this point but that is not in the conversation right now.
Was thinking my next trip might be to Colombia (again) or a different part of Latin America just to see more territory and try something different. We shall see.
I know we dragged on the religion thing but it was refreshing for me to find a different and very useful question for a change around here.
No worries, it was a good discussion for me too. I've dated women from Brazil, Mexico, El Salvador and Colombia. All catholic girls. Never had religion cause a divide. But they were all pretty casually religious as I put it before.
Anyways, as you might know Mexico is not exactly a #1 destination for dating, so in my case the few men I met came here just to meet me and I must admit I did end up in some awkward situations, thankfully that never happened with someone who came from too far away or for too long so I wouldn't feel as guilty. I was still friendly and polite of course, acting more of a tourist guide than anything :-X
That could be an interesting thread all its own. The one woman (or man) trip gone wrong and the associated war stories!!
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Some perspective on this. The women in Latin America, unlike us, do not have to pay to use cupid and see messages, so they can be more casual about it's use than we are since we pay for it. Also, my wife has created cupid accounts for several of her friends at their request because they weren't computer savvy enough, so I wouldn't put much stock in profiles other than the pics and whether they have children...
Yes, Mambo, I hear you. Weeding through all those non-serious, fake and/or scam profiles to find a real gem is a veritable pain in the you know what.
Met one girl whose profile said she only finished high school. When we got to chatting it turns out she has a university degree. Asked her why she missed that part? Her reply, she didn't notice and she wasn't taking the site too seriously.
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I dont agree and yet I do agree. The Peanuts you pay for those sites ($15 a month or something)is nothing and not a deterent in itself compared to the time you spend corresponding with them, flying down there, meeting them, paying for dates.
However $15 a month is a lot for some of them, and even if it was 10,000 COP for them, you would have far lesss chicas there.
Same with those agency events. The reason you get so many chicks compared to guys is cuz a few guys pay big money to go to the event, and the chicas get frree food and drinks. Plus maybe the chance to meet someon "from a different culture".
These sites and agencies livelihood depend on money from lonely, desperate, horney, or otherwise interested males , whether foreigners or not.
You would be surprised to know there are probably more Colombian males on Colombian Cupid then foreigners, and definitely more male Latinos than gringos.Same with LAC (as far as Latinos). Also, I have seen Mexicans and other Latinos at the agencies...
Yes, Mambo, I hear you. Weeding through all those non-serious, fake and/or scam profiles to find a real gem is a veritable pain in the you know what.
Met one girl whose profile said she only finished high school. When we got to chatting it turns out she has a university degree. Asked her why she missed that part? Her reply, she didn't notice and she wasn't taking the site too seriously.
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I dont agree and yet I do agree. The Peanuts you pay for those sites ($15 a month or something)is nothing and not a deterent in itself compared to the time you spend corresponding with them, flying down there, meeting them, paying for dates.
However $15 a month is a lot for some of them, and even if it was 10,000 COP for them, you would have far lesss chicas there.
Same with those agency events. The reason you get so many chicks compared to guys is cuz a few guys pay big money to go to the event, and the chicas get frree food and drinks. Plus maybe the chance to meet someon "from a different culture".
These sites and agencies livelihood depend on money from lonely, desperate, horney, or otherwise interested males , whether foreigners or not.
You would be surprised to know there are probably more Colombian males on Colombian Cupid then foreigners, and definitely more male Latinos than gringos.Same with LAC (as far as Latinos). Also, I have seen Mexicans and other Latinos at the agencies...
Hard to believe, but yet I'm not surprised--it probably is true! I certainly would not wager against it. And part of why I am not surprised is because like a lot of N Americans, we think that we have it all. In some ways we do--we have of a lot of world 'bests', be it medical care (at a high price), colleges, sports, military power, etc.,but it's the "We're the best--#1 'mindset'" that sometimes blurs our judgment, (irritates many people abroad), yet leaves us thinking all these babes abroad are willing to hop in our laps and come to the USA. It would be a lot more like that in the case if we were also pulling millions of dollars in a cart behind us. Let's not be fooled that it's not always so much of what we are, where we're from or what we look like that makes these women reply or even send their 'interests' to us.
I like to joke that I'm insulted that people in Colombia don't speak English--that there ought to be a law, and everyone should take Yankee dollars too. But the fact is that in each country, people tend to gravitate to their own, in terms of people and neighborhoods. Familiar and family. It's more the exception than the rule that women want to marry and leave it all behind. And amongst those who do, there are a lot who just have miserable, impoverished lives, making their 'fantasy' about life in the USA and the allure of money all the more dangerous for us. There's a lot of sorting and weeding out to do on both ends.
I'm still all about finding your 'squeeze', your GF, wife, whatever you want to call her (or him) abroad, just don't delude yourself. Not everyone is doing it simply because they're adventurous souls, looking for true love with someone who looks and talks differently from a distant nation. Of course the guys here, for example, and guys with similar interests towards love abroad are a small minority in N. America. Men and women alike in the USA find their matches close to home by and large--why should it be so different elsewhere?
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But the fact is that in each country, people tend to gravitate to their own, in terms of people and neighborhoods. Familiar and family....
Robert,
That's a very good point. Living here in Rio for a while now, I find myself going well out of my way to be around Americans. I will pass up perfectly good restaurants, bars and pubs in the area where I live and pay twice as much for a taxi (not to mention the inflated costs of food and drinks) to get to a place where I know they'll be gringos hanging out. Even worse, in Rio de Janeiro prostitutes gravitate towards any place that's frequented by men from the United States. So sometimes I also have to deal with being constantly propositioned. And believe me when I tell you that the working girls here can be quite persistent. Apparently, "No...I have a girlfriend," means "I'll pay you for sex if you keep bothering and touching on me." At this point speaking with someone in English about American Football is like going on an island vacation for me.
Even when I was back in Houston it was the same with most foreigners regardless of where they were from. After NYC I'm willing to bet that Houston is in the running for the second most diverse city in the union. There are entire areas of town, and by areas I mean dozens and dozens of city blocks, where you'll only find Vietnamese, Korean, Pakistani or Colombian people. They all go to the same places, do the same things and fervently support the business's of their countrymen. I think it's a reasonable expectation for a man to get involved in the community (if there is one locally) of the culture his wife comes from when he brings her back to his home country. I remeber Whitey writing about that at some level in the past.
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I think it's a reasonable expectation for a man to get involved in the community (if there is one locally) of the culture his wife comes from when he brings her back to his home country.
If a gringo is able to get involved in these communities in the first place he would never have to leave the country to find a foreign born wife. Cities like nyc, houston, miami, los angeles have HUGE latino and asian populations. I'm talking hundreds of thousands of foreign born women who would be interested in marrying a gringo.
Another thing to keep in mind is many gringos would probably prefer to keep his foreign wife as far away as possible from her own people once she's in the us. They don't want her to run off with a latino that she's actually attracted to.
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Awesome tu no puedes hablar en serio…."many gringos would like to keep his foreign wife as far away as possible from her own people once she's in the US"
is that quote for real? is it true? I can't believe it. How selfish and lame a thing to do to someone that the person supposedly "loves"…….i had the opposite approach. I didn't want her to feel so alone so i encouraged her associating worth other people from her culture.
wow the poor girls who are kept from their gente que triste.
Is that statement true Awesome or are you just assuming?
Is there anybody here that can give input as to whether this attitude of keeping your foreign bride isolated from her "own people" is a real thing or just imagined.
WOW what a lame approach to making a loving relationship last for the long term…"keep her away from what she knows and loves"…her culture
you can't be for real Awesome
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Awesome tu no puedes hablar en serio…."many gringos would like to keep his foreign wife as far away as possible from her own people once she's in the US"
is that quote for real? is it true? I can't believe it. How selfish and lame a thing to do to someone that the person supposedly "loves"…….i had the opposite approach. I didn't want her to feel so alone so i encouraged her associating worth other people from her culture.
wow the poor girls who are kept from their gente que triste.
Is that statement true Awesome or are you just assuming?
Is there anybody here that can give input as to whether this attitude of keeping your foreign bride isolated from her "own people" is a real thing or just imagined.
WOW what a lame approach to making a loving relationship last for the long term…"keep her away from what she knows and loves"…her culture
you can't be for real Awesome
Well let's break it down for you there stnmsn. I think we all agree that ALL women who sign up on these gringo dating websites and agencies are first and foremost looking to improve their situation by finding a "rich gringo". Finding true love is second place, and for most it's a far second place.
Most if not all men who search for a wife from a poor country do so because they simply have little no chance of getting an attractive woman in their own country.
So all of a sudden geekazoid jim bob pops up with a wife who looks like sofia vergara. Suppose they live in nyc or miami, cities that are full of young, handsome, well paid latino men. What do you think is going to happen? Of course if you live in des moines iowa you might not have the same problem. Of course the young handsome gringos are a threat too but nowhere near as much as latino men, at least in the short term.
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Awesome ,,,,in contemplating what i wrote i realized that much of what I wrote was naive, and that i had put out an impulsive post…..not good…
You have broke it down for me nicely,,,gracias
i dont agree with it but i suppose if i was a geekazoid then I may have a different outlook
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It's an attitude you take when you picked the wrong woman and you are insecure. Same issue with a relacion de Lejos..when she is back in Colombia (say) and you are somewhere overseas applying for her visa (or working your ass off to support her and her family ) and you have ignored the warning signs (red flags), thought with your little head instead of the big one, tried to be "Capn Salva Puta" ( like the George Bernard Shaw book "pygmalion"),..if you picked the wrong woman, or flew down and proposed to her 2 weeks after meeting her, don't communicate, dont nurture the relationship...you have somehing to worry about..DEFINITELY ...and you would have been better off cutting her loose after the 4th or 5th date rather than keeping her locked up in the chicken coop on the ranch in Moose-Dick Falls Idaho..
Awesome tu no puedes hablar en serio…."many gringos would like to keep his foreign wife as far away as possible from her own people once she's in the US"
is that quote for real? is it true? I can't believe it. How selfish and lame a thing to do to someone that the person supposedly "loves"…….i had the opposite approach. I didn't want her to feel so alone so i encouraged her associating worth other people from her culture.
wow the poor girls who are kept from their gente que triste.
Is that statement true Awesome or are you just assuming?
Is there anybody here that can give input as to whether this attitude of keeping your foreign bride isolated from her "own people" is a real thing or just imagined.
WOW what a lame approach to making a loving relationship last for the long term…"keep her away from what she knows and loves"…her culture
you can't be for real Awesome
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Well let's break it down for you there stnmsn. I think we all agree that ALL women who sign up on these gringo dating websites and agencies are first and foremost looking to improve their situation by finding a "rich gringo". Finding true love is second place, and for most it's a far second place.
I agree with you and have expressed as much on several occasions. 99.9% of the foreign women actively looking to date gringos are first and foremost searching for a better quality of life. If true love is a subsequent result of a relationship with a foreigner I would go as far as calling it pure coincidence in most cases. What I don't agree with is the idea that if a gringo tries to prevent her from mingling with people from her own culture, or working, or studying at a university, that's somehow going to save him from losing a foreign woman that only wanted to improve her circumstances in the first place. Go ahead and lock her up and throw away the key. Make her wear an abaya everytime you take her to the grocery store. It just isn't realistic in the United States or any other modern country. And I also think it's counterproductive to maintaining a healthy relationship. There are only three things that are going to keep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
So I say let her do what makes her happy if it's within reason. If she cheats, or leaves or both, she was probably eventually going to do it anyway. In a country like the U.S., Canada, etc. it's only a matter of time before any woman figures out she has the upperhand if she wants to leave you. She doesn't have to be involved with the local culture club to figure that out. She can do that looking at television for a couple of weeks. The more oppressive you are during the marriage, the more vindictive she may be during the split. Let's not forget...push comes to shove, she can always just say you are abusive to her and/or the kids and have your ass put in jail while she still has access to your accounts and a "Stay in the U.S. no questions ask" card.
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Thats why you go after the ones who are 7 or 8 out of 10, have a job, profession, makes good cash, maybe 1 kid, are intelegent,dont want to leave Colombia, are interested in and have dated men from their own country,or maybe other Latin Countries.. you spend time in Colombia, get to know her, have regulator dates..
Rather than going after some desparate grilla barrio girl with fake boobs and ass, used to have belly worms until she sucked in some stupid gringo to pay for her medicine, who doesnt mind going with you to Moose -Dick Iowa, until she hits the pavement upon which she takes the next train to her old boy freind in Bronx (maybe possibly waiting til she has her immigrant staus, but avoiding sex with you as much as possible in the interrum).
Well let's break it down for you there stnmsn. I think we all agree that ALL women who sign up on these gringo dating websites and agencies are first and foremost looking to improve their situation by finding a "rich gringo". Finding true love is second place, and for most it's a far second place.
Most if not all men who search for a wife from a poor country do so because they simply have little no chance of getting an attractive woman in their own country.
So all of a sudden geekazoid jim bob pops up with a wife who looks like sofia vergara. Suppose they live in nyc or miami, cities that are full of young, handsome, well paid latino men. What do you think is going to happen? Of course if you live in des moines iowa you might not have the same problem. Of course the young handsome gringos are a threat too but nowhere near as much as latino men, at least in the short term.
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And as i said before, not all of the women on the dating sites are after North Americans or even foreigners...the dating agencies, yes,(although I have seen Mexicans, Chileans, Argiess there as well) sites like Colombian Cupid, LAC, no, not necessarily..
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And also, a lot of these women go to the agencies out of curiosity, not necesarily because they are desperate to leave the country...or do a lot of gold digging..
And as i said before, not all of the women on the dating sites are after North Americans or even foreigners...the dating agencies, yes,(although I have seen Mexicans, Chileans, Argiess there as well) sites like Colombian Cupid, LAC, no, not necessarily..
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I dont agree and yet I do agree. The Peanuts you pay for those sites ($15 a month or something)is nothing and not a deterent in itself compared to the time you spend corresponding with them, flying down there, meeting them, paying for dates.
However $15 a month is a lot for some of them, and even if it was 10,000 COP for them, you would have far lesss chicas there.
Yes, I wasn't complaining about the financial cost of LAC (which is cheap) just the time and effort to get to a good prospect. But you are right that is nothing compared to actually flying down there for mupltiple trips. But if a guy is doing that it is because he supposedly found a keeper.
The foreign-based dating websites (like LAC and CC) are free for the ladies. Only the guys get charged.
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Thats why you go after the ones who are 7 or 8 out of 10, have a job, profession, makes good cash, maybe 1 kid, are intelegent,dont want to leave Colombia, are interested in and have dated men from their own country,or maybe other Latin Countries.. you spend time in Colombia, get to know her, have regulator dates..
Rather than going after some desparate grilla barrio girl with fake boobs and ass, used to have belly worms until she sucked in some stupid gringo to pay for her medicine, who doesnt mind going with you to Moose -Dick Iowa, until she hits the pavement upon which she takes the next train to her old boy freind in Bronx (maybe possibly waiting til she has her immigrant staus, but avoiding sex with you as much as possible in the interrum).
Hmmm,a lot of details in that example. Sounds like it could be a true story in there somewhere....belly worms and all.
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Consider it a compilation of several true stories...and there are many more, much crazier...
Hmmm,a lot of details in that example. Sounds like it could be a true story in there somewhere....belly worms and all.
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I agree with you and have expressed as much on several occasions. 99.9% of the foreign women actively looking to date gringos are first and foremost searching for a better quality of life. If true love is a subsequent result of a relationship with a foreigner I would go as far as calling it pure coincidence in most cases. . There are only three things that are going to What I don't agree with is the idea that if a gringo tries to prevent her from mingling with people from her own culture, or working, or studying at a university, that's somehow going to save him from losing a foreign woman that only wanted to improve her circumstances in the first place. Go ahead and lock her up and throw away the key. Make her wear an abaya everytime you take her to the grocery store. It just isn't realistic in the United States or any other modern country. And I also think it's counterproductive to maintaining a healthy relationshipkeep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
So I say let her do what makes her happy if it's within reason. If she cheats, or leaves or both, she was probably eventually going to do it anyway. In a country like the U.S., Canada, etc. it's only a matter of time before any woman figures out she has the upperhand if she wants to leave you. She doesn't have to be involved with the local culture club to figure that out. She can do that looking at television for a couple of weeks. The more oppressive you are during the marriage, the more vindictive she may be during the split. Let's not forget...push comes to shove, she can always just say you are abusive to her and/or the kids and have your ass put in jail while she still has access to your accounts and a "Stay in the U.S. no questions ask" card.
A caged bird doesn't really sing. I don't want one either. I have things pretty good now--I should say 'we' and we talk fairly often in long terms, like moving to a big, more exciting city in the USA a few years down the road, spending more time at our home in her country, but I still, deep inside, take it one day at a time.
I hold no illusion that this is forever. While she asks my permission to go almost anywhere or do almost anything, she knows 95% of the time I'll agree--I know at this time she has good judgment--her asking merely reflects her traditions and shows respect. That can change--she could become unhappy. Nothing is perfect or constant and people change everyday. One of my biggest mistakes was holding onto my first marriage, long after it was toast. I thought to myself--"The kids--I need to do it for the kids"--Actually it would've been better for the kids had we split sooner.
If it doesn't work out this time, or anytime, once it's clear that it's not going to work, I'd rather end it sooner than drag it out, which only causes more misery.
There's a reason why in a number of nations, the number of marriages have plummeted. In Scandinavian nations, marriage is increasingly uncommon and according to the below info, 4 out of the 5 nations with the least amount of singles who marry are in S. America, interestingly enough.
http://www.skyscanner.net/news/world-s-most-single-people-find-love-these-low-marriage-locations
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I agree with you and have expressed as much on several occasions. 99.9% of the foreign women actively looking to date gringos are first and foremost searching for a better quality of life. If true love is a subsequent result of a relationship with a foreigner I would go as far as calling it pure coincidence in most cases. What I don't agree with is the idea that if a gringo tries to prevent her from mingling with people from her own culture, or working, or studying at a university, that's somehow going to save him from losing a foreign woman that only wanted to improve her circumstances in the first place. Go ahead and lock her up and throw away the key. Make her wear an abaya everytime you take her to the grocery store. It just isn't realistic in the United States or any other modern country. And I also think it's counterproductive to maintaining a healthy relationship. There are only three things that are going to keep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
Benjio: Yes, I can't disgree with your statement that the vast majority of these ladies who are actively looking for a foreign husband are seeking a better quality of life. But I would add that IF a guy picks a woman who is reasonably within his league the chances for success go up. In other words, the overweight social misfit looking for a 9 or 10 is destined for failure while a resonably attractive, socially adept and stable gringo who sticks to women within his "weight" class has a decent shot of success or even "real" love.
There are only three things that are going to keep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
I think "stability" does equate to happiness for the woman involved. Forget about kids for a moment. I have met plenty of ladies in Latin America with no kids and decent careers make the statement that "stability" is what they are looking for. That is, they don't want a guy who is running around on them with other ladies and yes they want a guy with whom they can build a stable household. I think that is something most women in the world want.
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. There are only three things that are going to keep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
I think you covered a lot of reasons why women stay with men generally (although I can think of more)...do you feel there is any additional reasons why an american woman would stay with an american man?
I think the earlier mentioned 99.9% figure is a bit exaggerated..I really do...but alas what difference does it make if the 2 spouses are happy enough.
Good luck with your lady Benjio and may she be in the .01%!
Fathertime!
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A caged bird doesn't really sing. I don't want one either. I have things pretty good now--I should say 'we' and we talk fairly often in long terms, like moving to a big, more exciting city in the USA a few years down the road, spending more time at our home in her country, but I still, deep inside, take it one day at a time.
I hold no illusion that this is forever. While she asks my permission to go almost anywhere or do almost anything, she knows 95% of the time I'll agree--I know at this time she has good judgment--her asking merely reflects her traditions and shows respect. That can change--she could become unhappy. Nothing is perfect or constant and people change everyday. One of my biggest mistakes was holding onto my first marriage, long after it was toast. I thought to myself--"The kids--I need to do it for the kids"--Actually it would've been better for the kids had we split sooner.
If it doesn't work out this time, or anytime, once it's clear that it's not going to work, I'd rather end it sooner than drag it out, which only causes more misery.
There's a reason why in a number of nations, the number of marriages have plummeted. In Scandinavian nations, marriage is increasingly uncommon and according to the below info, 4 out of the 5 nations with the least amount of singles who marry are in S. America, interestingly enough.
http://www.skyscanner.net/news/world-s-most-single-people-find-love-these-low-marriage-locations (http://www.skyscanner.net/news/world-s-most-single-people-find-love-these-low-marriage-locations)
Well Robert A. I think you have making the best of things in your marriage for quite some time, if your wife hasn't wanted to leave you by now...then I doubt she ever would, unless a serious attitude change occurs.
Good luck!
Fathertime!
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do you feel there is any additional reasons why an american woman would stay with an american man?
One could probably think of more reasons but in the end I think it all ties back to true love, a stern belief in the ideal that marriage is a lifelong commitment, the stability of having a family or the combination of all or any of the three.
I think the earlier mentioned 99.9% figure is a bit exaggerated..I really do...but alas what difference does it make if the 2 spouses are happy enough.
Perhaps...statistics like that obviously aren't based on any kind of real data. They do however represent a strong belief. Look at it from the other side. I would go as far as saying that the primary motivation for 99.9% of men that wife hunt in foreign countries is because they can date much more attractive women than they can where they come from. It's definitely not the only reason, just like in the case of the ladies; and I think there are countless cases of those alterior motives being transformed into loving relationships over time. But at first, it just is what it is.
Good luck with your lady Benjio and may she be in the .01%!
Thanks and Happy Holidays to you and yours!
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Whenever I hear the word "let" I just chuckle to myself. When I hear, "I let my wife work", or "I let my wife go back to school", or any other reference to her having to ask for permission to do anything, I just have to laugh.
Control is only an illusion with these adult women that just happen to be married to an American guy. Any guy who thinks that he has any control at all in these relationships, is going to get a surprise down the road. These women are simply going to do whatever they wish. It may be with the guy while they are married, or they will wait a bit, and start doing whatever they want after the divorce.
After a couple years of marriage the power imbalance equalizes, and these marriages aren't much different then any other marriage. Two people compromising and getting long. If the power imbalance doesn't equalize, the girl will surely hit the road with time in my opinion. It may take a while til she is independent enough to make it on her own but if a guy is controlling, she's leaving. I think some guys like the power imbalance of the first year, and have a hard time letting their wife become independent. Truth is, that it's going to happen with, or without them.
It's nice that Robert's wife out of respect, asks for permission to do things, but I'm sure she knows that she is really the one who is in control in her own way. A nice way of showing compromise.
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I agree with you and have expressed as much on several occasions. 99.9% of the foreign women actively looking to date gringos are first and foremost searching for a better quality of life. If true love is a subsequent result of a relationship with a foreigner I would go as far as calling it pure coincidence in most cases. What I don't agree with is the idea that if a gringo tries to prevent her from mingling with people from her own culture, or working, or studying at a university, that's somehow going to save him from losing a foreign woman that only wanted to improve her circumstances in the first place. Go ahead and lock her up and throw away the key. Make her wear an abaya everytime you take her to the grocery store. It just isn't realistic in the United States or any other modern country. And I also think it's counterproductive to maintaining a healthy relationship. There are only three things that are going to keep a woman with you in any civilized Western Culture. She's in love with you. Because of her cultural upbringing she absolutely refuses to get a divorce; or she's sticking around because you have children and the stability of her family is much more important to her than her happiness. In any other circumstance you're just biding your time.
So I say let her do what makes her happy if it's within reason. If she cheats, or leaves or both, she was probably eventually going to do it anyway. In a country like the U.S., Canada, etc. it's only a matter of time before any woman figures out she has the upperhand if she wants to leave you. She doesn't have to be involved with the local culture club to figure that out. She can do that looking at television for a couple of weeks. The more oppressive you are during the marriage, the more vindictive she may be during the split. Let's not forget...push comes to shove, she can always just say you are abusive to her and/or the kids and have your ass put in jail while she still has access to your accounts and a "Stay in the U.S. no questions ask" card.
Using my own marriage as a frame of reference, I'd say my wife falls in the category of women who were looking for improved quality of life AND a loving husband who she could also love. My wife did choose me over gringos much wealthier than me. One guy sent $2000 without her asking and without him ever visiting, and he wasn't the only one. According to her, there were other wealthy gringos also sending money without her requesting any; I , on the other hand, never sent any dough other than money related to us succeeding in getting the K1...
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Using my own marriage as a frame of reference, I'd say my wife falls in the category of women who were looking for improved quality of life AND a loving husband who she could also love. My wife did choose me over gringos much wealthier than me. One guy sent $2000 without her asking and without him ever visiting, and he wasn't the only one.
I've never been sure why guys do that. It may get the chicas attention at first but they completely lose respect for you in the long run. When a girl isn't interested in money and it's being offered to her voluntarily the first thing she thinks is "guy with no self confidence with nothing else to offer but his bank roll trying to buy me." A lot of girls will outright refuse to take money. While others will say "no" at first, then after a conversation with their friends telling them how dumb they are, accept it and eventually ask for more. The worse kind will milk that cow until it's dry. Regardless, when guys kick off a relationship like that as soon as the money train stops, she'll usually stop answering your calls as well.
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Consider it a compilation of several true stories...and there are many more, much crazier...
I have heard many of those myself. I also witnessed some things similar to those. Live and learn.
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Thats the funniest thing I ever heard. And I thought I was a Bobo. Did she actually accept this "free" money? You dont have to answer if you dont want to.
Using my own marriage as a frame of reference, I'd say my wife falls in the category of women who were looking for improved quality of life AND a loving husband who she could also love. My wife did choose me over gringos much wealthier than me. One guy sent $2000 without her asking and without him ever visiting, and he wasn't the only one. According to her, there were other wealthy gringos also sending money without her requesting any; I , on the other hand, never sent any dough other than money related to us succeeding in getting the K1...
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Using my own marriage as a frame of reference, I'd say my wife falls in the category of women who were looking for improved quality of life AND a loving husband who she could also love. My wife did choose me over gringos much wealthier than me. One guy sent $2000 without her asking and without him ever visiting, and he wasn't the only one. According to her, there were other wealthy gringos also sending money without her requesting any; I , on the other hand, never sent any dough other than money related to us succeeding in getting the K1...
Of course most normal women would rather have both, the financial security and the "true love" marriage. But how long is a gringo hunting latina going to wait for prince charming to come along and continue passing up the wealthy, not so handsome or charming candidates? Especially since many of these women aren't just trying to improve their own situation, but also the lives of her family members.
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Thats the funniest thing I ever heard. And I thought I was a Bobo. Did she actually accept this "free" money? You dont have to answer if you dont want to.
She did accept it. The guys would have actually had a chance had they actually visited, but I guess they were more content to be Skype buddies...
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Speaking of superstitions I was with my girl yesterday and suddenly she said I need to make an urgent call…do you have minutes? Sure I said, what’s up? I left something important on the sink at my house. Something important? Yes something personal. Really? Yes something to protect me. I thought wow she’s been using a diaphragm all this time and I didn’t know? No she said it’s that there are muchas personas que me tienen envidia. Yeah por que? Sí porque I’ve been told because I’m pretty…and they’ve cast spells. One of them has a doll of me. I know who one of them is I’m pretty sure. How long ago I asked. Six months...but I went to a lady who cleaned me of the spells and now I have to carry this amulet with me all the time to be protected. It’s very personal and I can’t have my sisters, mama etc find it. Well sure here’s the phone. Don’t know how it turned out but I sure hope she got her lucky charm before any of those evil personas envidiosas could cast new spells on her. Forgot to ask how much the lady charged for the “cleaning”.
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Speaking of superstitions I was with my girl yesterday and suddenly she said I need to make an urgent call…do you have minutes? Sure I said, what’s up? I left something important on the sink at my house. Something important? Yes something personal. Really? Yes something to protect me. I thought wow she’s been using a diaphragm all this time and I didn’t know? No she said it’s that there are muchas personas que me tienen envidia. Yeah por que? Sí porque I’ve been told because I’m pretty…and they’ve cast spells. One of them has a doll of me. I know who one of them is I’m pretty sure. How long ago I asked. Six months...but I went to a lady who cleaned me of the spells and now I have to carry this amulet with me all the time to be protected. It’s very personal and I can’t have my sisters, mama etc find it. Well sure here’s the phone. Don’t know how it turned out but I sure hope she got her lucky charm before any of those evil personas envidiosas could cast new spells on her. Forgot to ask how much the lady charged for the “cleaning”.
Just roll with it. This is probably just the start--your initiation, if you will. Spells, amulets, cleansing, dolls--non traditional medical treatments, what we call superstitions, etc. will probably continue to intermingle with you and this girl as long as you're together. And with other women/people down the line. It intermingles among what we might see as straight superstition on into religious beliefs, as it becomes sort of a blurry area sometimes and they may not share it with you.
I can't speak with expertise about how broadly my knowledge applies to S. America, but judging from the Philippines, from my living some years in the Caribbean and having three Aunts from there, (not too far from S. America) I wouldn't be surprised if the situation isn't quite similar. It doesn't really have much to do with the strata or class a girl is from, nor is it restricted to those with or without out high levels of education, I don't think. Maybe those who consider themselves 'high class and highly educated ' will down play or even try to hide it more than the 'common folk' would.
Many women don't talk about it much, because they think (and they're right) that we Yankees won't understand, and that it won't have the same meaning or validity to us. They worry we will look at them as being weird and very 'third world'. That said, I live in an area in the old southern USA said to be the most haunted and superstitious in the Americas and poultices, powders, voodoo dolls and dead animal sacrifices (to name but a few things) are not unheard of around here.
Beliefs like this not only influence everyday life and religion, but also effect medicine and how people prevent and treat ailments and diseases. Many believe in medicine that to put it mildly, isn't endorsed by the American Medical Association, nor by leading educational and medical institutions in their countries.
The bottom line is that if they believe it, it is as real as rain to them. For you to joke about it can do you little good and might do you harm. I have been told before that I was given the 'evil eye' by people very well known to have bad powers, powers that their family actively puts to bad use and I was furthermore told to physically touch a particular person from that family, so that negative energy would be returned and neutralized. I carry a diamond also, as I am told it thwarts threats thereabouts. No problems.
My wife tells me they do it as much for fun--for the thrill as anything, but there are certain people in places they know who are 'readers', sort of like what we think of in the USA as 'Fortune Tellers" or 'seers', except I think it's a bit more in depth than what and how we typically think of it here in the USA. They look at a lot more things and in different ways. She asked me if I minded if she'd pay to visit a particularly reknown one back home. I said "No problem, take along the family if you want".
AS it turned out, the practitioner, among other things he divined, said that men found my wife particularly attractive, that they 'wanted her' and that the amount and nature of the attention she was getting, was not good. He somehow knew she was living far from home. Although she was dressed like her sisters--just like other women around there, he somehow knew. How he knew, I have no idea. But to prevent a perceived 'guy attention' situation from getting out of control, (including to prevent her from being attracted), he did something to her left hand--he didn't draw blood, but it sure did hurt for a while, then he prepared a small packet--an amulet, I guess for her to keep close by--in her purse, near her body. Her hand hurt for a couple months--not terribly, but a bit.
Now any guy in his right mind wouldn't complain about THAT, I don't think. Nice of the Doctor to agree that my wife's a pretty lady (I agree) and to extend his CARE and concern, and better yet, it seems to be working!!! My wife has never felt really pretty--she's very modest, but she thinks that guys never check her out, especially since then. My eye sight's pretty good and I know differently--- but no problem. Guys scope her out, but they almost always are cautious, because she dresses well, stylishly but never provocatively. Think of the hottest school Teacher back in school--guys (at least the adults) never really stared, did they? She laments that she'll never be a 'hottie', but to me, she'll always be and that's all that really matters. She just won't dress like a slut or even dress to look as if she's out on the prowl. Prowling's for the bedroom. That little Black Dress from Oakley, I got her? I have to beg her to wear it out, along with a dab of Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue and some MAC brand lipstick that actually looks pretty red--oooh lah lah....
Anyways, that alternative practitioner, Witch Dr., whatever you want to call him, she's going back to see him again next time and I'll encourage her to leave a tip!
The only real difficulty I sometimes have with 'alternative medicine' is that with my in laws living wayyy out in the country, they may rely too much on that alternative medicine. I have to encourage, make sure and I have no problem paying for, things like dental care, prostate cancer testing, blood sugar levels (diabetes) glaucoma testing and other care for them at the best hospital and clinic. It just that it's close to 3 hours away and we have to keep on them to get 'real' check ups, especially now that they're getting older.
An alternative Dr. in the Philippines fixed a bad fungal infection on toe of mine that the best podiatrist in the South Eastern USA, using drugs so strong I had to have my liver enzymes checked mid way into a six month drug treatment, couldn't cure. So don't be so quick to dismiss these 'beliefs'!
I typically write too long anyways, but there is plenty more I could write, giving examples that would seem strange. Even now, I don't even know the HALF of it, I am positive!
I'm not superstitious, I know it's bad luck!!