plan A and plan B found out about each other.

[Cbear]

Holly cow I'm in trouble. I guess they will both be gone before the day is out.

Anyway, one of them accidental met the other on a popular website and got to comparing notes. Here is a pic of my boyfriend, hey, that is my boyfriend!

So I'm busted

Both girls were very classy but I never expected them to find out about each other. I was planning on a trip and meeting them both and then deciding.

As to why it is a big deal is because I have found that they won't really open up and tell you who they are unless you are exclusive with them. I wasn't expecting the first girl to make the cut because she was so shy.

The first girl I have been talking to is the one who won't accept a dime for anything, both are 2nd year nursing students but don't live anywhere near each other.

So the odds of this happening were very slim. But it did. And they are very upset.

So, I can either let both possible relationships go down in flames or I can try and salvage one of them. I do not know which one I would choose, or even if either would continue at this point. But from the feedback I'm getting I think If I dropped one the other would forgive and go forward.

I'm not looking for advice here guys, just thought I'd share my story. So you all can flame me for having 2 at the same time and being serious with both. And not telling them I was talking to others.

By the way, these are the only 2 I'm talking with, there are no more, not even chat mates. I had narrowed it down to one of these 2. Both are great girls


OK, I've got my flame suit on now, fire away!

[Ray]

So the odds of this happening were very slim. But it did. And they are very upset.

No, actually the odds were that you would be caught. They have this amazing communication system over there that we refer to as the Bamboo Telegraph. Welcome to the Philippines! 

Why not try being completely truthful and tell them both that out of the millions of nice girls in the Philippines, you have narrowed your search down to these two. They may dump your ass or they may be willing to compete. Apologize to both and tell them that you are planning to visit both of them and then decide, if they are willing.

HOWEVER, you can bet that ANYTHING you say to one is likely to get back to the other, so you will need to be very careful... 

Ray

[Dave H]

Hi Cbear,

Believe me, you are not the first. This sh-it has happened before around here. I would try Ray's advice.

Dave

[Jeff S]

Honesty is always the best policy. I agree with Ray - lay it on the line. That or flip a coin.

- Jeff

[Cbear]

I have found that when the girls think they are competing against each other that you don't get to know the real girl. What they show you is what they think you want so they can win the competition.

The fact is the first girl was so shy that if I hadn't told her I would be exclusive with her, she would never have opened up.

I little info on them, and I hope they don't read this forum.

"A" girl is 18 years old and a virgin, very shy and very smart. Pretty but not gorgeous. She has experience with the age difference as her mother and father are the same age difference as her and I. She isn't allowed to court until she graduates in 2 years but she has her mothers permission to talk with me. And to meet me, with chaporones of course. She attends a private university and also went to a private high school. Her school is paid for by relatives in the US

"B" girl is 20 and is not a virgin, she was engaged to a Canadian who left her after 3 years of dating her. She is very pretty, and also very smart. She also is in her second year of school. She lives a good life with her aunt and uncle, they have a very nice home. Her school is also paid for by relatives in the US.

Both are very sweet and kind, I really have feelings for both so this is a blow to me, it was going to be hard when the time came to choose so now it is even worse.

I am leaning towards A because of her parents age gap. She already knows what to expect with marrying someone so much older than herself. She has lived it.

[Dave H]

She isn't allowed to court until she graduates in 2 years but she has her mothers permission to talk with me. And to meet me, with chaporones of course.

Hey Cbear,

My wife had completed college when I met her. But those were the rules in here famly as well. The rules were strict but it paid off! Her brother is electrical engineer (5 years study), my wife and two sisters are RN's, youngest sister is industrial engineer (5 years) who is now in her last year of nursing school, and another sister is an accountant. Her brother and youngest sister are unmarried. All of the other sisters married good men.

Dave

[piglett]

Well i will give my 2 cents worth

I told my plan A about B
& plan B about A
I think 1 of them asked so i told both of them
plan B shot back an "IM" asking weather i was talking to the other girl more, which i wasn't so that is what i told her.
I latter found out that plan B had had a Swedish boyfriend for 5 years & It had gotten "serious"
this is the same girl that had said something about maybe having to go to work in a bar to wait tables
RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sent this one on her way & am looking for a new "back up girl"
I know if i marry a virgin that there is know way that she could be a former "bar girl"
(unless she was an unsold cherry girl)
This is important to me , so i will not be considering any non-virgins
not that there are not some nice non-virgins out there
But i am 8000 miles away so it is hard to get to know these girls
I think that it may come down to a "leap of faith"
i think that we all are just trying to stack the odds in our favor
I guess it would be different if i could move to the PI. for a year or 2

good luck
piglett     

[Cbear]

I have told plan A I am sticking with her. She is happy but still upset.

Now I have to break it to plan B. I am not looking forward to this.

I know I have made the right decision. I have 2 years before she is even allowed to date me, so I am sure in that time we will get to know each other very well.

I expressed to her I was scared about the age difference. 25 years. She doesn't mind as her parents are the same. She also told me not to worry about what people might say.

I guess I didn't need my flame suit after all.

[bcc_1_2]

Cbear, thanks for sharing your story. If she is 18 that must make you 43. All I can say is damn. Are there not any cute mid 20s single professional types at all? These past few threads have all been about 18 year old virgins.

As for the story you have really bad luck. Personally I'd be honest. Look I'm traveling 8000 miles so if it doesn't work with you I'd still be single.... meaning I'll need some back up plans. Hey if you don't like me... I've got to do something right?

Well now that they know each other they are going to continue to commicate back and forth so you do have to cut one of them off. But I'd still be communicating with other women.

As for how to handle the situation I'd probably go on the offensive. Did she have permission to send your picture out to random people? I don't know about you but I'm offended. 

[Cbear]

As for the story you have really bad luck. Personally I'd be honest. Look I'm traveling 8000 miles so if it doesn't work with you I'd still be single.... meaning I'll need some back up plans. Hey if you don't like me... I've got to do something right?

I have been to the Philippines before and I know that if she doesn't work out my trip will not be wasted. I can find a girl in about 10 minutes. You just have to know where to look.

but to which, I am looking for a life partner, not a play thing, that is why I am going this route, My A girl will be the only girl until I meet her. At this point I think she is the ONE.

So I will give it a shot and see what happens. So wish me luck.

As for being 18, I didn't know she was 18 when I contacted her, I didn't look closely at her profile, I saw she was online and cute so I chatted with her. As for her being a virgin and from a very strict family, I find that to be a comfort. It means she won't take her vows lightly and after giving her virginity to me after marriage she will want to make the marriage a success.

[jm21-2]

It does seem a bit incongruous that the 20-some year old guys here are looking for older girls than the 40-some year old guys. The hell is with that? I wonder whether I'm being smart or stupid sometimes. I just can't see why any guy much over 20 would be dating an 18yo. Just for the young flesh I guess? Last bit of fun before you expire? I know that sounds harsh, but c'mon here...

[bcc_1_2]

As for being 18, I didn't know she was 18 when I contacted her, I didn't look closely at her profile, I saw she was online and cute so I chatted with her. As for her being a virgin and from a very strict family, I find that to be a comfort. It means she won't take her vows lightly and after giving her virginity to me after marriage she will want to make the marriage a success.

First, I do wish you success. And this is coming from a guy who really has trouble narrowing down what part of the world he'd like to meet a woman at. I love asians, latinas, eastern europeans. I just love em all.

But I do think your logic is not sound. I don't think you are wrong, but I will admit I just don't think like you. Why is it because she is young and a virgin that she will try harder in the marriage? Couldn't she just be naive? How do you know that when she gets to the states and a younger guy comes along..... her eye wont wonder to a younger guy like me or JM21? I know the culture is a lot different than Colombia but why wouldn't a 25 year old professional be a good match for you? Someone who has a little experience and doesn't want a "butterfly"? Someone with experience and education. And ready to settle down?

[Cbear]

well lets see, I have met a 25 year old virgin school teacher. Very cute, even prettier and a better body than my A girl. But not the personality I wanted.

A 28 year old school teacher. not a virgin but only one partner. Gorgeous girl, drop dead even, but she got hurt so bad by her boyfriend I think she is scared for life, she can't let go of the past.

A 23 year old virgin model. Nice sexy girl, strict parents. She is great looking and she knows it.

None of the other girls I met have the personality of my A girl. It is as simple as that. As far as the age difference, she is used to it. Her mother and father are 25 years apart.

I do not think she will leave for someone else. She wasn't raised that way. But of course I could be wrong. Only time will tell.

I went though over 100 women to come to this one. about half of them virgins. most of them in the 22 to 27 age range. That was the range I was looking for. I even spoke to a few in their 30s but they were not very nice it seemed. Life had made them bitter already. I don't need another bitter woman.

This girl is the sweetest, kindest girl I have ever met. When offered money for different things she flat out refused to take it. She would not accept expensive gifts either, instead saving her own money to buy it.

She comes from a privileged background. She doesn't need me to get to a foreign country to work. Her family has contacts in America and Australia.

Is she naive, I don't know. She graduated high school early from a private school and is in her second year of nursing school at a private university. She will have her RN when she is just 20 years old. I think she has a good head on her shoulders and can make a decision on her own. BTW, she can't even date until she is finished with school. That is her families wishes and she respects them.

So no, I'm not looking at her as a piece of flesh, many of the others were much better looking and with some being very sexy. She used her brains and sweetness to win this one.

I can't find the study now but there was a recent study about how virgins had a much higher success rate at marriage than non virgins. I believe the criteria used was adultery. It basically stated that even if a girl had just 1 partner before marriage she was 50% more likely to stray than if she had none.

I don't know if the study was also done for males.

So I guess I'll just keep you guys posted on our progress or lack of it if that be the case LOL I hope it works out, I'm hooked already.

[jm21-2]

Was this a girls only private high school? Are there girls only colleges in the PI? If she went to a girls only HS, she is likely to be extremely naive. Girls and guys who rush through school are even more naive than the norm. Girl who hasn't ever been on a date? Incredibly naive. Now, I rushed through school, I haven't dated much, I am naive, I know the risks I'm taking, and I've come to terms with that. I hope you know you are taking on a huge risk.

What happens when she comes over here and is reviled by AWs, sought after by young AMs, and your peers are either looking at you as a lucky dog or a weird pervert? Can she handle that pressure? If she starts a nursing career where you live, how much will she make compared to you?

What kind of contacts does she have in America? She may have little or no chance of immigrating through her family members in the US, but may be willing to go to great measures (even marrying someone she doesn't really want to) to get over here and be re-united with family members.

Look at US divorce rates. For an 18yo girl, the divorce rate is 85+%. That's without a large age difference or cultural differences. Are Filipinas special? Well, not the Filipina divorce clients I've dealt with...

Why were you looking for 22-27 when you're 43? Going by the lenient half your age + 7 rule, 28-29 should be your minimum.

But the basic thing is how can you treat a girl as an equal/partner when you're from totally different age groups and she's still a child? She won't even graduate for 2 more years? I mean, one of my co-workers was bragging about their offspring graduated from MIT and has lived in multiple countries. I think that's great. Do I feel like said offspring is my peer/equal? Somewhat. Would I feel like said offspring is my peer/equal if I was almost 20 years older? Hell no.

[Cbear]

 Many couples marry with large age differences. HER PARENTS ARE ONE EXAMPLE. In the old west it was common practice and still is in many countries. Of course I don't see see her as my equal mentally. But she is one smart cookie. She doesn't have to be my equal for a successful marriage. If I do may part as a husband she will be loved and well taken care of.

Both her high school and her university is co-ed. In just about every one of the tons of pics I have of her she is with friends of both sexes. The all study and do there duties together. She works in a hospital and see's many different people on a daily basis. I don't think she is that naive.

If you study Philippine culture at all you will see that a good girl doesn't date. She is courted by a man brave enough to ask her family for permission. If the family agrees, then she is allowed to go out with him (at this point, marriage is already expected or the family would not have said yes, good girls don't date for fun there) Lots of chaporones in very public places. The couple is NEVER ALLOWED TO BE ALONE.

So there is no one on one interaction as a couple at all until the marriage. I think Bear can back me up on this one.

Now of course not all families are this strict, but it appears to me that this is a way to protect the girls innocence till marriage, because it is well known that a good filipino man will not marry a non virgin. And if she has a child, well she'll never even get a date with a serious man.

Maybe you have gotten on the wrong forum, because if I wanted an AW who was my equal I could get one. I have had enough of that. I am going to try the old fashioned way.

As far as her contacts in America. I don't know exactly but there are professional family members who can sponsor her on work visas, same for Australia. Which is where the family wants her to go. That is fine by me because I am changing careers and entering a field in the offshore oil industry, I can live anywhere in the world I want once I am established. The 2 years I need to wait for her to finish school is just what i need to get established. I will make more money than her. In 10 years I'll be making twice what she does as a registered nurse.

My AW saw to it that I was kept down and always sabotaged my attempts to educate myself. She is gone now, and the doors are open wide for me. I have family in the industry I am entering so once my education is complete I have a job. A very good job.

As for American divorce rates, isn't that why we are searching overseas for our brides? to avoid the AW and the pitfalls that come with them.

As to why I am searching for a younger lady, I want more children, and because I am already over 40 it is better medically to have a younger woman to reduce the risk of birth defects and downs. It can't prevent it totally but I would prefer to stack the odds in my favor.

I don't follow some one else's rules set for me about love. Who came up with that crap anyway half plus 7, who cares, they don't live my life I do. And again, she doesn't have to be my peer or equal for us to have a great marriage.

If I wanted an equal woman I would marry an AW again, I can tell you now, that ain't gonna happen.

Since I have 2 years to get to know her, I am sure I will learn really who she is. I don't think if she was looking for an easy immigration path that she would be looking 2 years out. Her mother didn't even know she was talking to anyone until she caught her on the net with me. She isn't allowed to court until she finishes school.  She does have her mothers permission to continue to talk with me. 

As far as what people will say about me, us, I don't care. They don't live my life, I do. We have discussed this issue at length and she knows what is going to be said. Her friends at school already tease her about me. And remember, her parents had the same problems.


So in the end, I am going into this with my eyes wide open. If it all falls apart then I have only myself to blame.

[bcc_1_2]

cbear, I'd say JM gave a lot of pretty solid advice. I mean he certainly isn't getting down on you and I do think he's at the right forum. He gave a little insight about himself that most guys wouldn't be comfortable enough to admit also btw.

You are looking at this from your frame of mind. You have it all justified in your mind, and one thing I'll agree with is your point on not giving a crap what other people think. I can't speak for couples with 25 year age differences in the foreign country, but I sure can for here in the states. A 25 year age difference is going to be mega odd. How will your new wife handle that?

JM and I are basically the same age (mid 20s) and we seem to be looking for "grown ups". Maybe a 22 or 23 year old woman who finished her education or is still finishing up. An adult that is ready to settle down. Someone mentally ready for a long term relationship.

The whole being a virgin thing always cracks me up. Now sure you don't want a damaged bar girl, but a clueless and naive schoolgirl comes with her own set of problems. Right dad?

25 year old women are too old to have kids with now? Man I'd rather freeze my sperm or something instead of dating 18 year old girls.

It is your life cbear, but I'd really rethink going "all in" on a teen. Maybe go back and chat up various girls in their 20s on some personals and see how that goes. Relating to most 18 year old girls (of any culture) in real life on a day to day basis can be a challenge for me. I'd suspect damn near impossible for a middle aged man. Not saying it can't happen, but I don't like the odds.

[Jeff S]

Cbear - the "rules" should be the rules for YOU, not universal principles. A few years back a regular member here who was 60 married a 19 year old Filipina. He's since dropped out of sight so I don't know the results. Another member about 8 years ago had a 48 year age difference. I'm in touch with them and they're still married and very much in-love. Just because there are a certain number of years difference doesn't really mean anything. My father, in his early 80s is now dating a woman 20-some years younger than he. She's a grandmother and a widow. Some women are ready and mature enough for a lifelong commitment in their late teens, and many aren't - some aren't into their 40s.

I also don't understand this equality thing. A person should select a partner who can add to his life, team up to create a better situation. One person fills the gaps in the other. The concept that men and women are interchangeable and should somehow equally share in all marital tasks and all income producing is a fantasy the new feminazis are creating. It's has never been that way and in every case I've ever heard of, the experiment ends up in disaster. Do you see the quarterback and right tackle on a football team each sharing the duties of the other at different times in order to be equitable? Or the engineers and factory workers in a company? Not if either wants to succeed. I believe a person should choose a strong, capable adult, who can offer him strengths that he does not possess. The two working together can create a lot more than each individually. No one puts a gauge or monetary value on each other's efforts to ensure perfect equality.

If you want a stay-at-home mom for a wife to take care of the home and kids while you're out slaying dragons, hey that's the way life has been successfully played out for thousands of generations. You just need to find a woman who is in desirous of filling that role. If you expect her to come here and work to lead a DINK lifestyle (maybe that is too old a term for you young'ns. It means Double Income, No Kids) you need to find a woman capable of earning a living here and who wants that life also. It really doesn't matter the numerical age or IQ of the woman.

Sure, if your age spread is a lot, some AW will be angry and some AM will be jealous, but hey, that should be their problem, not yours - So don't pay attention to the naysayers, follow your convictions and heart.

- Jeff

[Bear]

Guys quit writing novels!  Just kidding I guess I do it too.

To start I'll recall a similar but very different situation.  Zebson who used to post here was writing two (or more ladies) and it turned out Jonah and Helen were best friends and still are to this day.  Oddly enuff neither knew the other were writing him even when Zebson continued to write Jonah after he had petitioned Helen here to the states.  Jonah is now married to a guy in Alabama and Helen to a guy in the Netherlands and no one has heard from Zebson since I called him out 8 years ago.  Weird perverted jerk!

First I'll say that your age difference is exactly the same as mine and my wife's.  Has it been a problem - not even once.  Once here in the states I've heard a few comments, seen a few looks but other than a few rude AWs, nada, nothing, zilch.  I did have a long discussion with my bishop before I married and he was against it but later recanted and had a second bishop accuse me of being a pervert which made my wife stop going to that church but nothing between Honey and I that would indicate a serious mistake, or even a potential small one.  Age is not a factor with most Filipinas so don't let it be one with you.  Ignore everyone else they are reacting from their experience and it doesn't include the Philippines.

Is she naive - all Filipinas are naive.  They have no one-on-one experiences with men - I think thats why so many end up pregnant without marriage.  Heck they don't even have coed parties.  Is that a problem - I can remember a few tampos that would have been resolved easier if she'd tried to understand my situation but I found that it does give me an upper hand in the resolution because she literally expects it to be that way.  Remember they have expectations of traditional roles which means submissive to the male.  You have to teach them how to read you moods and body language and spend a great deal of time assuring them and getting them to remember to talk with you.  They don't feel from their culture they should discuss things with you and feel its causes problems, but here in the States its just the opposite.  I personally think thats the hardest part of marrying a Filipina.

Do you tell A that you are talking to B.  I made it clear I considered myself to be in a last chance situation.  I didn't have 10 years to jump between girls waiting till I knew I had found the right one like I would have in my youth.  I was "marriage-minded" and looking for the right girl.  I hoped that they would infer that they weren't the only one.  I'd tell a few that I was chatting with a few girls but I hoped she was the 'one'.  Luckily I didn't have to experience what you have.  But I pray a lot so when I met Honey, although I was chatting with some excellent candidates, Heavenly Father made it clear Honey was the one and I dropped all 13 I was writting.  I did try to help 2 of them find other guys though.  Honestly, I just tell the truth.  I'd say, "I have to be sure because this is for life and I don't want to make a mistake.  I really pray you are the right one because you are so special to me", etc etc etc. (sweet talk).  I'd even say, "I prefer that you don't discuss me with others and not make me aware of it and I'll promise I won't do the same to you".  I honestly don't think you'll have much to worry about, they won't continue.  You are not cheating and you are not engaged.

BTW, don't dump plan C through 'whatever' either until YOU know for sure.

I think another idea that hit me and I posted about many times and recently with piglet, is to remember "you are the prize".  You have what she wants which is "1- marriage to a man from a culture where men are considered to be the best husbands, 2- a chance for the opportunity of America".  I assure you just because you are writing more than one lady she'll won't let go of you till you kick her off unless she is a user.  Yeah you have to make them feel they are the "prize" (rules of courting #1) but in this case "its you babe" and the right girl will chase until you catch her.

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

Thank you guys for all your comments. I really do appreciate the different opinions. It gets my mind working.

As for the age difference being mega odd, at least where I live I would have to disagree. I have seen numerous fil-am couples hear with much greater age differences than her and I. Chinese couple also but both are Chinese.

But I also know we probably won't be living where I live now.

I saw a fil-am couple at the emergency room a few weeks ago, he was in his 50s and she looked very young. Someone stupid asked if it was his daughter and she replied,very proudly, no, I'm his wife.

At the phone store just a week ago, I saw an older mid 40s filipina lady with a much younger American male. I hadn't see that before but hey, who am I to judge, they looked happy and that is all that matters

I also saw a young filipina at the Chinese buffet a month back, she was with her very overweight and much older (50s) husband. She had her arm around him and treated him like gold.

There is a couple at my church with a 20 year age difference and also a couple at my parents church with an 18 year age difference. I know about them, they have been married many years and are still together. They volunteer at the church all the time

Now yes, I have a daughter not much younger than plan A. She is not allowed to date and is a 4.0 or better student. She goes to a private high school also. If she were to come to me in a couple of years and say hey Dad, I am talking to a 40 something year old man I would be concerned. But that is because I don't think most men have honorable intentions toward a woman and will take advantage of her if she lets them. Now if I meet the guy and he is an upstanding person, I am going to bless her relationship. It all depends on the person.

The virgin thing has been researched, I just wish I could find it cause I can't quote it correctly, But virgins are far less likely to cheat on there spouse than non virgins. The more partners a woman has before marriage directly effects the odds of her cheating later in the marriage. So you can have your experienced woman, I don't want that again.

Now like I said before I don't know if they did a study of men also. I would like to know the stats on that one as well. My AW had 9 partners before I married her. She cheated 4 times that I know of. I had way more than that but I never cheated on her once. I am not a good looking guy and I always had to talk to get laid. So after I was married very few opportunities arose because I wasn't willing to talk like I did before.

As a side note, I have found that woman respond better to conversation than to  a great looking guy, it is just much harder for us ugly guys to break the ice. Even with filipinas. I had some that as soon as they saw me didn't want to chat at all. LOL

[Bear]

An interesting story when I was in AIT training in the service.  This one guy was so ugly it looked like someone lit his face on fire and put it out with an icepick.  Hard to look at to say the least.  He had a different girl every weekend.  I was in awe and several of us asked him what his secret was.  He said he just asks and the ones that want to do?  We all went into town (a place in Oklahoma if that matters) and watched as he stood near the corner of a busy intersection and propositioned girls as they walked by.  One slapped him and another called the police.  But in less that 30 minutes he left with and awesome looking girl.

When I got out of the service I read a book called "How to Pick up Women and Sleep With Them the First Night".  It pretty much said that women don't have to "looks in men" standards that society indicates.  They by society rules are required to keep silent till a man talks to them preferably by introduction.  So the secret to dating a woman was to talk to her!  I tried it and was just amazed - it works!  After that and until I got married I always had a cute thing on my arm.  After getting married I taught my oldest son with the 'ex'.  No end to the pride I felt when I'd hear all the boys asking him how he always had the good looking girls.  I even watched him one time on a scout camping trip take a dare to talk to a pretty girl in a gas stop and did and ended up with her phone number.  The other scouts just talked in awe.

Don't worry about your looks, be a man and you'll be fine.  It is what they really want.

The Bear Family

[bcc_1_2]

I saw a fil-am couple at the emergency room a few weeks ago, he was in his 50s and she looked very young. Someone stupid asked if it was his daughter and she replied,very proudly, no, I'm his wife.

I really do hope things work out for you. But this is kind of my point. That someone stupid really isn't stupid to think someone who is 55 with a 20 year old girl is his daughter (adopted or whatever).

Well I can speak for the midwest at least.

[jm21-2]

Hey and there was that weird cult in Texas marrying off under-age girls....probably wouldn't be a problem there.

Many couples marry with large age differences. HER PARENTS ARE ONE EXAMPLE.

But they're in the PI.

In the old west it was common practice and still is in many countries.

In the OLD west maybe. Note that the OLD west doesn't exist anymore.

Of course I don't see see her as my equal mentally.

While I agree with Jeff that a woman doesn't have to be equal to a man in the sense of a DINK household, I can't see why someone would marry a girl they thought was not on their level mentally? So, she's a child? She's inferior mentally? This is marriage not adoption. You're applying to be a husband, not a father. And it seems that you are proposing she works, so you would be more similar to a DINK household than a traditional household anyways.

In 10 years I'll be making twice what she does as a registered nurse.

And in 10 years you'll be thinking about retirement while she is just getting into the swing of things, then she has to deal with going to work everyday and possibly taking care of the house as well, while you go off and play. Maybe nursing you in your old age while she's at the peak of her career.

My AW saw to it that I was kept down and always sabotaged my attempts to educate myself. She is gone now, and the doors are open wide for me. I have family in the industry I am entering so once my education is complete I have a job. A very good job.

That's great, I applaud you for getting out of a bad relationship and getting on with your life.

As for American divorce rates, isn't that why we are searching overseas for our brides? to avoid the AW and the pitfalls that come with them.

The mods of this site just did a large survey. Statistically it looks like the divorce rate between AM and FW is not all that different than domestic marriages. There's a link up top I believe. Hopefully I'm remembering the figures right. There is no silver bullet here.

As to why I am searching for a younger lady, I want more children, and because I am already over 40 it is better medically to have a younger woman to reduce the risk of birth defects and downs. It can't prevent it totally but I would prefer to stack the odds in my favor.

But 18?

I don't follow some one else's rules set for me about love. Who came up with that crap anyway half plus 7, who cares, they don't live my life I do. And again, she doesn't have to be my peer or equal for us to have a great marriage.

Many rules are not invented, but drawn from experience. I would say it was drawn from the experience that people who are at totally different stages of life do not typically get along well in marriage.

Since I have 2 years to get to know her, I am sure I will learn really who she is.

2 years of online communication? I'm not sure how much that is worth.

Sorry, reading your posts it sounds like you just want a young piece of flesh and you are trying desperately to justify it to yourself. That's a dangerous point to be at because it makes you blind.

[jm21-2]

And how come is it that when a feminist comes on here and provides anecdotal evidence you guys jump all over her and ask for cold hard facts...then when this site has actually done a survey and the evidence is right in your face, and there are many other statistics on marriage available, you feel perfectly fine shelling out some anecdotal evidence about how all types of marriages can be successful? Judging by the statistics provided on this site and elsewhere, an American guy marring a much younger, teenaged, foreign woman is more likely than not going to end up in divorce. Can it be successful? Sure. Everything's possible. But let's be a little realistic here and take off those rose-tinted glasses...

[bcc_1_2]

I gotta fall in line with JM's responses. I know bear has a great relationship, but in the latin forum a guy who married a real young latina is pretty upfront about it being lucky his relationship has worked out so far. Different culture I know... but still

Bear did you marry Honey when she was 18? Even if you did I sure wish you would caution middle aged men thinking about getting serious with a teenager. Can it work? I suppose it is possible. But likely? heellll nooo

When I am a middle aged man I hope there is somebody to slap me if i start chasing 18 year old skirts. I don't care what country they are from.

[Bear]

I met my wife when she was 19 about 3 weeks before her 20th bd.  Yeah it freak me out.  I was 45 then but I said at least she'd be 20 be fore we met and probably 21 before we married.  I think Cbear has said the same.  Honey jumped all over me when I said she was too young for me and I mean she wanted me to prove she wouldn't be a good wife.  I couldn't so I gave it a try to see how it would work out.  I pretty much later decided she would be a good wife, it was practically all she talked about.

At the same time there was 16 y.o. from Cotobano who's father was supposedly the chief of police (wow - scary) who was trying to convince me to give her a try too.  I think you miss their motivations are totally different than ours.  Age is not the same factor.  Here age is looked at from a selfish angle, there age is looked at as experience and security.  We see old people as a burden they see old people as family who need them. 

I don't really care about the latin side or European. Age might be a more selfish aspect there but to Filipinas is a 'plus' to be 10+ older that your spouse.  Saying that I have to also say Honey's sister wants someone her own age?

The Bear Family