I think it finally has happened

[crashfirepm53]

After10 years of marriage, I am filing for a divorce from my American wife. I think she has finally lost it. A lifetime of issues from her childhood and not dealing with them has finally caught up to her. I can truly tell you that if someone doesn't want help, you can't make them help themselves.

Our marriage was really pretty good but all her baggage dragged us down over the years.Several counselors later(they all were crazy), she didn't have a problem. Honestly, if we didn't have small children I would have moved on long ago.It's a hard thing to do but I know it is the best. I couldn't take a chance losing custody to someone that wouldn't care for my kids properly.

Things took a turn for me finally......

We moved from Florida to Kansas in July. Getting her away and starting over would be a good thing and it was. We had alot of stuff still in FL. and her truck we had to get back. Since I had the job, I flew her down and figured a week or so later she would be  back. Man was I wrong.


I heard it all. The 1st 2 weeks she took a vacation and I'm ok with that but I'm trying to raise 3 kids by myself and still work 60 hours a week. She would tell me of her progress and she's leaving in a few days. My parents live close by and would stop in and would give a very different report. She's sleeping, nothing boxed and nothing loaded. When I asked her about it there was always an excuse.
After 5 weeks I sent her $550.00 more than enough to come back on but that got squandered away. I told her to come up with the money on her own and she did. Next thing you know it's spent.
She finally said she missed her family, was ready to come back. I sent her another $400.00 and she said she was loaded up but my mom tells me different. Her we go again.
I haven't spoke to her in over a week. She doesn't answer her phone. I've had alot of thinking time and thats it not to mention the time is right.
I need to make sure I have custody of my babies, I get a restraining order and a divorce based on abandenment. It should fly. She doesn't have a job or money source so I don't see her doing alot from 1400 miles away.

So what brings me here? I found thi a year ago. I've always thought about this before. My desire for a beautiful,sexy, loving Latina for my own has really consumed me. Nothing gets me going more than this and I wish I would have done it along time ago but I was thinking of my children and not myself which was the correct choice.

I tell you the more I look and read the more confused I get in what direction to go. Which agency? Try online 1st(amigos)? I've read all the trip reports and what I don't want is to deal with bing 3000 miles away and have a company provide me less than they promised.

There she be an ongoing thread where people can score agencys so us virgins (lol) might get a better direction.

Thanks for hearing me out.

[sean126]

I'm terribly sorry about the outcome of your marriage.  I can't imagine how hard it must be and hope I never have to.

I'd be inclined to say....Give your self some time before jumping right back into something else.  I'm quite sure you'd be carrying emotional baggage into this quickie relationship your thinking of pursuing and that wouldn't be fair to you or to the young lady.  I'd give yourself time to "air out" first.   

[Zon]

Sorry to hear of your break-up.  Continue on this course, and I am sure you will be very happy.

First, you got to give yourself time.  It takes more than most presume to REALLY get over a 10 year relationship. Most people just want to create a new union FAST (to fill the hole).

TAKE TIME.

Learn Spanish.

Try NOT to point and click (shop for a wife in 5 days).  Pick well.  As you will find, "the choice is really yours."

[papi]

You actually got some good advice here...taking it slow and learning some spanish.

If you want to get your feet wet and are in fairly good shape financially, you might consider starting with some of the pricier tours run by either the better agencies or tour operators.

The reason I say that is you will get more hand holding in the beginning, have camaraderie with other gringos and meet a ton of chicas. Lots of guys do get lucky early in the process.

Going all the way can be expensive (visa process), so blowing a few grand on a great vacation might be a good way to get your feet wet...and maybe get lucky and meet the girl of your dreams.

Meet a ton of women but try to focus on a few yet avoid putting all your eggs in one basket until you are really sure that she is into you and not along for the ride. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some flaky chicas so again be sure before you consider a girl your novia (girlfriend).

Suerte (luck)!

[raycjs]

I know how you feel i was married and with the same women for over 27 years and the women i married was not the women i divorced. She had a lot of problems and she still does. she refused to get help and until she gets help she will never get any better. The best thing that happended to me was i had 100% custody of my two girls we move 1200 miles away from the mother to start our life over. They helped me get though the worst time of my life i do not wish divorce on anyone. I was living on my own with my 2 girls for 3 years i felt that was enough time for me to clear my head. I am now more happier then ever with my new Colombian fiancee. We will be getting married soon and my girls and i have never been so happy. The only advice i can give you is be strong and keep looking forward and never look back at what you could have done or what you could have changed because you can not live in the past.If i can ever help you in any way just PM


I wish you the best of luck


Ray

[Bear]

I need to make sure I have custody of my babies, I get a restraining order and a divorce based on abandonment. It should fly. She doesn't have a job or money source so I don't see her doing alot from 1400 miles away.

First things First.  File now while she doesn't have a job.  Today!! The judge will not give her custody if she is unemployed and will in turn force child support payments on her.  Make sure the schools know that she abandoned her kids and that you are concern for them so they do not allow her to suprise you and pick them up from school.  Do not procrastinate because if she gets a job no matter how bad a mother or that she abandon you means, she'll get custody.

So what brings me here? I found this a year ago. I've always thought about this before. My desire for a beautiful,sexy, loving Latina for my own has really consumed me. Nothing gets me going more than this and I wish I would have done it along time ago but I was thinking of my children and not myself which was the correct choice.

I was the same way about wanting to start over asap.  I had known the marriage was doomed for at least 3 years before I left my wife but waited until my youngest was 18 so she couldn't force maintenance and child support on me.  (It also kept the courts from forcing me to pay her while my kids attended college.)

I can understand the desire to look for a "sexy" Latina but this makes me wonder if where your priorities are and how much you know about who and what is available.  I actually spent the last three years I was married occasionally looking at Cherry Blossom magazines and others like it.  I looked for an Asian wife because I thought their looked exotic and sexy.  I was amazed and the beautiful babes looking for a husband in those magazines.  But what really motivated me was the fear of failing again.  I don't think I could handle it and I bet you agree.  So I started looking at differing information and found that marriages to Russian women had the highest divorce rates, Hispanic second and Asians last.  Further breakdown showed that Filipinas had the highest success rates for marriages to foreigners.  Please don't ask me and start "faux paing" that because it was 9 years ago and I couldn't find it again if I had too.  I suggest you look similarly in the race you considering.

Decide what you want in a wife, mother, companion.  Most say the age should be 1/2 + 7 your age but I strongly disagree and am proof that formula doesn't always prove to be true (my wife is 26 years younger than me).  But when I was looking it was where I started.  Its really a lot to think about.  Why did you marriage fail? Why?  How do you look for these faults in a prospective mate and correct them within yourself?  I decided if I thought is was important we were going to discuss it so I started making lists of questions and getting them form others to modify for my use.  I actually got some flack from some of the guys because of it but many others did the same as me.  I told all the girls I sent these questions to that I was serious about marriage and I just wanted to be sure that we were compatible with a good chance of success.  I even told them I would try to trip them up with my questions because I wanted to weed out the "users".  (It worked so well most the users never even responded back and the girls who really wanted a successful marriage agreed.   BTW why wife was the only one who answered every question exactly as I hoped.  And I in turned answered them after her and encouraged her to ask me questions.  Then we'd chat or talk about our answers which really helped us learn about each other.

If I thought it was important to me I discussed and I mean everything from chores, dissaplining the children, sex, work, send family money, etc etc etc.  I did one more thing that some have said was mean but I kept all the chaps and made a book from it.  900 + pages.  Everyone said I was so romantic.  But when disagreements occurred I'd get that book and say "Here's what you said when I asked".  Twice now that got me out of a bad situation.

Where/how to look differs by who you ask here.  I used an older medium called Dalnet and a program called pIRCh which had a few thousand channels where people would go to chat.  A Capt on one of the channels refer me to #Davao and thats where my wife chatted in with me.  Many of the guys here use services, some use Cherry Blossoms,  It really depends on what and where your looking.

Theres lots of support here so don't hesitate when you have questions.  And don't eliminate the Philippines from a potential source.

The Bear Family

[Researcher]

        Crashfire,

              It sounds to me like your marriage has been over for a while now but still, you have been given some good advice here. Don't rush into looking for another woman.I myself have been married 2 times and I have to say that while waiting isn't easy, it does pay off. Get your "head on straight" before you go to SA looking for a woman. Take care of the legal stuff first and if you don't think you have time to find another woman, think again. They aren't going anywhere.

[Canadian Guy]

Do not rush into finding a new wife. I waited three years in order to get myself back into financial and emotional shape. Get your personal affairs settled then look for a new wife. That does not mean that you can't date someone, but only if you are ready.

Getting a divorce is a emotional meat grinder.  All the best and do not worry. Things are all uphill from now on. Just file ASAP.

As for the 1/2 +7. I am 44 and my wife is 28. The formula would put my wife's age at 29. She is wonderful and it is not easy being apart. Some thing you need to think about also. Since you will have to wait for the immigration appoval if you do find a new wife.

I did not want to look for some one any younger. I did date someone younger but I could not see myself married to her. Although it was fun...

[rob2568]

Hey man, I can identify with ya.  I was married to a woman for 16 years (now apart for 3 years and just divorced 1 1/2 years ago) who was fighting demons of her own.  Along with that came many horrors of extramarital interference.   The last 10 years were pure hell and finally her breaking completely down because she was unwilling to seek help for herself, it was discovered she is bipolar with personality disorder.  It was was a Jerry Springer show Lifetime movie mixed..... cheating, drinking, partying, drugs, lots of boyfriends... you get the pic. 
 However, in those 16 years we had 3 children (3 girls) and now the oldest is in her teens.  They have been with me since the separation and now they never see their mom.  We don't even know where she is. 
She made a mess of my finances but I was hoping to emerge from that by Jan but with nation-wide financial blunder I can't say when for sure now.

My advice would be to take at least a year away from the relationships to let your kids find themselves in their new life with you.  I can't imagine prospecting a relationship knowing there was so much unrest on all fronts. 

Think of the God first, then kids, money, then relationship

If anyone has a better idea.......

[crashfirepm53]

I know how you feel i was married and with the same women for over 27 years and the women i married was not the women i divorced. She had a lot of problems and she still does. she refused to get help and until she gets help she will never get any better. The best thing that happended to me was i had 100% custody of my two girls we move 1200 miles away from the mother to start our life over. They helped me get though the worst time of my life i do not wish divorce on anyone. I was living on my own with my 2 girls for 3 years i felt that was enough time for me to clear my head. I am now more happier then ever with my new Colombian fiancee. We will be getting married soon and my girls and i have never been so happy. The only advice i can give you is be strong and keep looking forward and never look back at what you could have done or what you could have changed because you can not live in the past.If i can ever help you in any way just PM

Your situation sounds VERY similar to mine. It's been 10 years of trying to get here to talk and deal with her problems but you can't make her. I've all the excuses.
I thought about the taking time and that is good advice. Honestly though, I've so frustrated with her for the last few years that it has made me really hate her. The 1st 6 months of this year I was away from my family working and I only saw them every 4-6 weeks or so. It was really hard on me. I knew she wasn't being the mother she needed to be yet I had no control over any of it. I don't think you can truly understand frustration until the welfare of your children is at stake and all you really can do is stand there.

The situation now, the tables are reversed, I'm in complete control and she can't do anything. Time to act.
I work nights, alot of OT for the needed money now trying to replace what was brought with us to Kansas. I get home, get my kids ready fo school, drive them there, come back, sleep until pickup time, cook dinner, get ready for week then do it all over again. Add in cub Scouts, girl scouts, grocery shopping...... you lie there sometimes and want to give up. I can't do it anymore. Then , my most prized possessions I picture, my babies. I shake it off and go at it again.   I needed to destress some thanks.

[crashfirepm53]

Bear good advice. I haven't eliminated anyone yet. All races have thier high and low points with me. Generally speaky, I think the Latinas are the sexiest, and If I may say somewhat exude sex appeal. I also think they can be more tempermental or a bit hot headed. Now this is complete generalizations of course so don't start flaming me. Some will agree and others won't.
As far as the Asian race some are damn sexy and the petite bodies are attractive. Some are to thin for me, kinda more like a young teen age girl. I'm not into that. Not to mention I'm a big guy at 6'6'' 275lbs.  I do think the Asian women may be more tolerable and giving to her man with a willingness to please without asking for as much in return. Thats very appealling too.Again, generalizations my friends. No standard rules apply.

I don't plan on rushing into it but honestly I'm going to go where it takes me. I was only for the 1st 6 months of 2008. We moved here and I sent her back to make a week or so trip to get the rest of our things. Now that was almost 12 weeks ago. I've given her several opportunities to come back. Sent her money heard all the excuses. The trailer has been loaded according to her about 12 times. All lies of course. I told her not to come back, she isn't welcomed and has no place to stay. Plus a restraining order will be waiting on her. I hope she takes me seriously.

I feel bad for her. Shee truly loves us but she's just not right. I know she hasn't been unfaithful and she isn't intersted in that. I know. Please don't question me on that. I know the woman in that regard.
Honestly, the only thing that really kept us together was the kids and sex. In this area  it was phenominal.

I wish her the best, I hope she doesn't do anything stupid and will help her as I can.
But far as time, I think I've given alot of it already. I'm not marrying anyone tomorrow but I may contact a few and chat. I won't be visiting any countries anytime soon guys.
Baggage? Not really. I've had alot of time to think about where it failed, did I make mistakes or mess it up and what would I do differently.
i won't marry a woman as wild as she was yet docile too but I guess you don't really know how someone will be 12 years later plus I didn't know her issues either.
I'm def. older and wiser looking for things a bit different.

This is where my next post comes into play.....